Archive for July, 2007

Just what babies need – hook ‘em early

Posted by catpaw on Tuesday, 31 July, 2007

As if we haven’t raised enough children hooked on the mindless drivel spewed out at them everyday, a new channel popped up on my cable.

Baby TV

Uh huh – you read that right. Baby TV. Designed for children under the age of 3. The schedule is divided into 2 sections – day tv with big primary colour themes, educational concepts etc.
Night tv will consist of soothing music and gentle visuals.

That’s right, hook your kid early. Teach ‘em they can’t eat, sleep or breath without having something in the background. Glue them to the set so you don’t have to interact with their fragile and exciting minds. Plop them in front of the tube and abdicate your responsibilities entirely. Folks we have 24 hours worth of baby care for you.

Sorry people, but I have a problem with people who put tvs into toddlers bedrooms. Night is for sleep, not watching tv. Bad habits in early years stay as bad habits in later years.

I also have a problem with the entire concept of Baby TV. From infancy to 3 are some of the most exciting years to watch. Babies/toddlers are discovering an entire world and language. This takes interaction from parents and other people – siblings, neigbours etc. Sticking your kid to the tv screen is the worst possible type of parenting I can think of. I would love to see the world through their eyes! Everything is new and exciting – although I would resist the urge to chew on everything.

How about big fluffy toys?
How about beginner’s building blocks?
How about toys with wheels?
How about reading them a book?
How about playing this little piggie with their toes?
How about more human interaction and less cold tv?

Gawd almight! What are these people thinking? I can just here them around the table, discussing their brilliant idea: Hey you know what market is yet to be tapped? The baby market! Yea yea… lets offer it ad free at first and then… bamo we make deals with people for programing… kind of like PBS light.

Do me and the rest of my generation a favour? Turn the damned tv off and talk to your baby and play itsy bitsy spider with him/her. You’ll raise a much more interesting and vibrant child. Trust me…..

Harry Potter and the plot to corrupt your children

Posted by catpaw on Thursday, 26 July, 2007
pa’gan n & a. Heathen: unenlightened or irreligious (person)
oxford concise dictionary

Fiction, in the inclusive sense, is any narrative which is feigned or invented rather that historically or factually true.
M. H. Abrams, A Glossary of Literary Terms

Oh dear, oh my … it’s time to hide your kiddies from the big bad evils of literature and imagination.

Yes folks, the last Harry Potter book is out, hot on the heels of a successful movie release.


Can’t you just feel the ire of the anti-Potter factions? I hesitate to call them Christian, because this group won’t know a Christian thought if it reared up and bit them in the ass.

They seem to be obsessed with the thought children who read the Potter books will become sucked into the world of witchcraft and magic. Hee, hee…. I wish. Do you think I would work if I could wave my wand and zap into a different world? Not on your Nellie. I’d be off to to Diagon Alley to find nice digs and whip up a whole bunch of great food, have my laundry and house cleaning done via magic and zap in anything I wanted. Who needs work when you have a wand.

I like to scour the internet and papers for conspiracy theories. I have a collection of these tracks. They fascinate me. The anti-Potter crowd now has an entire section all their own. I found a website called Christian Answers awhile back and found this ripe little claim for their book:

Harry Potter: Witchcraft Repackaged studies elements of Rowlings’s imagery and writings, including the use of the “Potter” name in Pagan religion …, shapechanging , meditation , human sacrifice…, feminine power, Wicca (the religion of witchcraft) …, the tools, spells and curses used in witchcraft , Christian youth and their involvement …, communicating with the spirit world, reincarnation, situational ethics in witchcraft, the lightning bolt as a power symbol, broomsticks and witches’ hats as phallic symbols, dabbling in divination and sorcery, recruitment, teaching children dark arts, … and more.

Oh.. I am impressed – human sacrifice and feminine power all in one book! How the hell did we get back to the “woman as bogeyman”? Personally, I think an old fashioned human sacrifice is a whole lot scarier than women seeking equal rights. But then Feminism always has scared the proverbial pants off this group.

I’m still pondering their “situational ethics in witchcraft”. What does that mean? The characters in the novels aren’t allowed to distinguish between right and wrong? They can’t have morality?

The “lightening bolt as a symbol of power” is another interesting aspect of their worries. This is an ancient symbol of power. Guess that means no more tales about Zeus eh? Pity, I’ve always enjoyed the Greek myths.

But my favourite is this one, “broomsticks and witches’ hats as phallic symbols”. I have to be brutally honest here. Until I read that, I was naively and blissfully ignorant of the sexual dangers of Harry Potter. Now I want to go through all the novels and see what else I’ve missed. I’ll have to really read between the lines and get as much smut as I can. Can’t wait!

I would like to know if these people have actually read the novels? Maybe they did and the real problem is they think their narrow version of Christianity is the only one that can have such values as friendship, loyalty, honour, do the right thing in spite of overwhelming odds, family values … should I go on? Or perhaps they don’t like the way the characters (especially the strong women) ask questions. Don’t ask questions, just do as we say – even if we are a group blind jackass’ lost in the forest.

Guess I’m just a pagan at heart. I’m happy that way.

Atn: Inventors I want hover furniture

Posted by catpaw on Monday, 23 July, 2007

Don’t know about your house, but mine seems to attract the biggest dust bunnies in the world. I mean we are talking about tumble weed status.

And I made a world shattering discovery this morning – its the furniture legs that cause all the problem. When you sweep, its hard to get around the legs and under the chairs etc. That means at night, when the lights go out, all the little dust bunnies leap out and party and procreate, thereby creating more dust bunnies. Then they get together and start to rumble across the floor and take over.

I know what the solution is! Wait for it …

Hover Furniture
Someone needs to create a small device to place under the chairs, tables, etc so they hover gently off the floor about 3 inches. That way when you sweep, you can get at everything properly… or better yet buy one of those robo sweepers and never worry again.

What would be truly wonderful about this invention, you could have a timer set on the furniture so that if company overstayed their welcome, you could set it to hover and dump the occupant giving them a not to subtle hint

Now don’t you think that would be great?



Bread and Circuses – FIFA style

Posted by catpaw on Sunday, 22 July, 2007

The Chilean spin doctors have been out in full force the last 48 hours in preparation for today’s game with Austria. Already we’ve seen some pretty funny double talk coming from the fans and the Chilean team officials. Its been quite entertaining.

Best all-round comment comes from delegate Harold Mayne-Nicholls from the team who first apologised for their behaviour. He capped it off with a piece of ironic humour:


“…police of Toronto did not act as our polices used to react with people just playing a football game.”

Well thank god for that!

There was also a wonderful Monty Pythonesque sense of timing:

While the coach Jose Sulantay was giving an interview to reporters during a press conference, explaining his players emotions “The coaching staff tried to calm them down, but they were upset with the ref and the red cards”, the post-game brawl broke out at the team bus. Later the Mayne-Nicholls said, with a straight face, no, no the team was relaxed and happy, not in anyway aggressive while in their dressing room. hmmm….

Oh so much baffle-gab, so little time.

After the brawl, Canadian Press’s Nathan Denette who was an eye witness stated:

All of a sudden, we looked over and there was a big brawl that breaks out between four or five people,

Next thing you know, the bus just unloads and there’s eight, 10 players come off the bus and there’s just fists flying everywhere, between the cops, the security guards, a couple of ladies were involved that were security.

It looked like a big dogfight. People throwing fists and cops with their billy clubs out and then all of a sudden it got out of control and a police officer grabbed his Taser gun and Tasered someone – I don’t know if he was a player or if he was part of the team. As soon as that happened, it got even worse.

The bus was parked at the side of the stadium, where a large fence kept hundreds of angry, chanting fans from getting closer. A tow truck arrived later to take the damaged team bus away.

We heard this big bang . . . it was just commotion after commotion after commotion, Some of the players were trying to get players back on the bus. But some were furious they were trying to get back off the bus. And then they opened up the windows on the bus and were throwing things at the officers. And then all of sudden, they were trying to grab them from the inside of the bus. And it just escalated.

It is never, never, never a good idea to chuck stuff at the cops. Add this to the large group of Chilean fans who were egging this on and you have a recipe for disaster.

Nomination for the best melodramatic moment:

“They hit me with an electrical current and I fainted,” player Isaias Perralta told Chilean media. “When I regained consciousness, I saw 10 police officers were hitting me and throwing acid in my face.”


Don’t know about any other police force, but here in Canada, acid isn’t part of the required equipment. The tasering must have hurt like hell, no doubt, but there was no acid throwing. He might have gotten pepper spray on his face, again painful, but cut the crap – 10 cops weren’t throwing acid on him.

Another reoccuring statement has me in stiches – these players are just kids. Nope sorry, at 19 and 20 years of age, many are playing professionally. They are strong, fast young men. They are young adults, not kids by any stretch of the imagination. A comparision is being made about the oversized cops vs little kids – have you seen a lot of Toronto’s police? Some have the biggest pot bellies I’ve ever seen. In terms of physical fitness, my odds are on the players.

The tale keeps shifting with the wind. What is clear to me, Chile is setting the stage for today’s game. Complete mental intimidation of the security forces, police, politicians and gaming officials. If they lose, then its not their fault, everyone was against them. Chile is going for the win through the court of public opinion, sportsmanship be damned.

What worries me most, is the behaviour of the fans. They will arrive loaded for trouble. It won’t surprise me if they attempt to provoke the police. They were unruly and angry on Thursday night – their tempers will not have cooled off. People need to stop and think for a moment. Its a game, not life and death. There will be many other games, well reffed and badly called ..

Angry abusive fans, angry, hot-tempered players – not a good mix.

Have patience, today is the last day … not much more left. I’ll return to my usual silliness this week.

North American soccer all-stars vs Celtics

Posted by catpaw on Saturday, 21 July, 2007

Good news! MLS all-stars beat Scotlands great Celtic FC in Thursday nights All-Star game. I was busy that night at the FIFA-U20 game and missed it. Looks like it was a great game. I’m proud of the MLS – they played quality football and took on a quality team. I must confess that I have a soft spot for Celtic FC – I even have their scarf tucked away in my small collection of UK and Scottish FC club scarves. Blush – I even watch their games when they are on the tube.


The Celtic website has good things to say about the game and the facilities. Check out their comments at http://www.celticfc.net/news/stories/news_200707040806.aspx

Maybe I should have stayed home and watched this game instead of going to the Chile vs Argentina farce – nah… wouldn’t have missed that circus for the world.

Whoa! Colour me surprised! Toronto in the morning.

Posted by catpaw on Saturday, 21 July, 2007

Wow, here’s a rare occurrence – I’ve been up for hours. I even beat that annoying sparrow that perches on our balcony every morning and chirps his happy little head off. Don’t know why I’m up but it must be yet another sign of the impending apocalypse.

Its now 7am and I’ve been up since 4:30am. I watched the sunrise, have had my coffee and am now wondering about all the sleepy heads in the area. Not much happens around here in the early hours in this area on a Saturday. I see signs of life now. So far its only been Cat (yes that’s his name) and I. Even Bonnie the Scottie dog has stayed in bed. Hmmm…

One thing I’ve found out – TV is terrible at this hour. I mean really, beyond belief terrible. I have discovered that for a low, low price I can purchase the amazing Turkey Jerky maker (God knows why I absolutely need one and He isn’t saying), the SUPER, BEST, AMAZING (they all use amazing in their pitches) spot remover, secret treatments for every ailment from hang nails and halitosis, to baldness and migraine relief that your doctors are trying to hide from you. Of course you have to swallow about $50 a week in untested “natural” pills and potions. I survived about 1/2 hour of this – I have a very high pain threshold – and then decided it was time for a shower and coffee. I feel … so … dirty…. no, not seriously, but they do shout at the audience. I figure the pitchmen are on some sort of uppers.

My personal favourites are the various pills to help you loose weight, gain muscle mass, pep up your life, cure your depression, clear up your skin problems, improve your brain power, heighten your sex life, banish migraines forever, solve world poverty and cook a tv dinner for you all in the same day.

I’m going to sleep in tomorrow morning.