Catpaw - diary of an angry cat

Have you ever wondered why the Virgin Mary and Jesus keep popping up on food in the US? I spend a certain amount of time pondering such things.

Really, I’m kept up nights wondering “Why did they appear on a piece of toast in Texas? or a Burrito in California?”

Don’t they have better things to do than hang around Waffle huts and Burrito stands, waiting to scare the pants off the locals?

I thought Jesus was too busy helping semi-literate US athletes win. “Yea, um.. we won da big game ’cause Jesus was wit’ us. Um.. Yea.. um.. I felt him aside me when I almost fumbled that big punt. He put his hand on my heart and said Bubba, don’t drop that ball. Jesus is with ya”!

So… what about the other team? Does Jesus pick sides? Did he make the other team drop the ball?

Just wondering?

Does this explain why he seems to be doing bugger all for the rest of the world? He’s too busy watching over overweight American football players as they lumber down the field. Does he sit with his holy feet up munching chips and swigging beer, all the while taking his own name in vain when his team screws up?

Which now brings me to the second part of this train of thought. Do people really see Mary and Jesus on the walls and in their food? What have they been drinking? I’ve wandered the internet looking for photos of these glorious events. I’ve come to a conclusion: I either have the filthiest mind on the planet or these people are truly nuts.

Or do Jesus and Mary sit around betting who can appear in the most bizarre locations, while ignoring world turmoil?

Lets take the first example from a grocery store in Morton, Texas back in January of this year. Mary supposedly has appeared as a frozen ice slab in the freezer of - wait for it - Morton’s Thrifty Foods grocery store. According to the lady who ‘discovered’ the Virgin popsicle it started as a few drops of frozen water sticking to the freezer ceiling. She came back a few days later and Lo, unto you is frozen, a Virgin in a freezer. The grocery store staff have moved her into the frozen food section to preserve her as the faithful flock to it in hopes of a miracle. Its a bit ignominious to be placed between the turkey pot pies and the hungry man dinners. But here’s the kicker… look at the picture. Do you see the Virgin? I don’t. I’m embarrassed to say what I see… it sure isn’t a holy figure. I think i’m going to hell for my rude thoughts.

Here’s a tip for you folks at Morton’s Thrifty Foods - get your freezer fixed.

Another example, I was sure was a joke, but am now convinced the people were sincere is Mary’s appearance in a watermelon. This one takes place in Arizona, on June 27 just a few days ago. A woman cut open a watermelon and was convinced it showed the image of the Virgin. 10 days later, she claims the watermelon was still fresh. Yes this is surely a sign of the impending apocalypse.
Again, I still don’t see anything - except for watermelon.


What further examples? How about the Virgin pretzel. I kid you not! This little dilly was found in a Rolled Gold pretzel bag. Looks more like the Gingerbread man to me.

My personal favourite is Our Saint of the Chocolate found in California at the Fountain Valley candy factory. Its been lovingly preserved in plastic. I just can’t figure out how anyone could see Mary in this image? Too me it just looks rude. Or if I tilt my head a bit, maybe a scaly mermaid thing going on. Dunno. Either way its not something I’d preserve. Or eat come to that. It doesn’t look too good.

I could be wrong. Mary and Jesus may be trying to reach out to society right now via our main obsession of the day - food.
What better way to communicate!

Who needs to feed the multitudes with a loaf of bread - we’ve got rude looking chocolate!

Who needs to pray for the end of war? We’ve got Bubba and the rest of the linebackers praising the Lord for helping them win another useless game.

Seriously, will anyone care who won that game in a few years?

I’ll bet those who’ve lost the near and dear to a roadside bomb will remember them long after the cheering has faded.

I hope to hell Jesus and Mary have more pressing issues than hanging out at burger hut.

Don’t hog the chips and beer Jesus, and make room on the couch for me.

Stumble it!