Catpaw – diary of an angry cat

Wow, here’s a rare occurrence – I’ve been up for hours. I even beat that annoying sparrow that perches on our balcony every morning and chirps his happy little head off. Don’t know why I’m up but it must be yet another sign of the impending apocalypse.

Its now 7am and I’ve been up since 4:30am. I watched the sunrise, have had my coffee and am now wondering about all the sleepy heads in the area. Not much happens around here in the early hours in this area on a Saturday. I see signs of life now. So far its only been Cat (yes that’s his name) and I. Even Bonnie the Scottie dog has stayed in bed. Hmmm…

One thing I’ve found out – TV is terrible at this hour. I mean really, beyond belief terrible. I have discovered that for a low, low price I can purchase the amazing Turkey Jerky maker (God knows why I absolutely need one and He isn’t saying), the SUPER, BEST, AMAZING (they all use amazing in their pitches) spot remover, secret treatments for every ailment from hang nails and halitosis, to baldness and migraine relief that your doctors are trying to hide from you. Of course you have to swallow about $50 a week in untested “natural” pills and potions. I survived about 1/2 hour of this – I have a very high pain threshold – and then decided it was time for a shower and coffee. I feel … so … dirty…. no, not seriously, but they do shout at the audience. I figure the pitchmen are on some sort of uppers.

My personal favourites are the various pills to help you loose weight, gain muscle mass, pep up your life, cure your depression, clear up your skin problems, improve your brain power, heighten your sex life, banish migraines forever, solve world poverty and cook a tv dinner for you all in the same day.

I’m going to sleep in tomorrow morning.

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