Lessons learned this week about teenage boys

Posted on | August 7, 2007 | Comments Off

Locust n. 1. Any of various African and Asian short-horned edible grasshoppers … consuming all vegetation
Oxford Concise Dictionary

2. Teenage nephew
Catpaw’s Dictionary

My nephew is visiting. He’s 17. He’s tall and lean and for the life of me I can’t figure out where he puts all that food! I went to the cupboard to get something to eat and I swear it looked as though we had been hit by a swarm of locust. Unlike locust, he eats everything … right down to the shelves. I guess I should be glad he left the wooden cupboards behind. Nothing is safe from his voracious appetite. But where do the groceries go? He doesn’t gain an ounce let alone a pound. I know he’s active but really. I think I could come home with $100 worth of groceries and they might last 20 seconds with him around. Its amazing. I figure we should just chuck slabs of raw meat at him on the balcony and he’d be happy.

Teenage boys take up a lot of space. Its like having 10 of me around. He’s all feet and legs and arms. He takes up an enormous amount of space. Oh and I’ve discovered teenagers don’t get up off the couch and walk to where they are going. Oh no … nope…. not a hope … they use their long, limbs to leap over the back of couches and chairs and then they leap back over to plunk back down.

Lets not talk about the piles of clothing. Sheesh… Are teenagers capable of hanging up their clothes? The answer is obviously nope! I’m mystified by how much they can pull out of a knapsack. They are like Mary Poppins magic bag. Small sacks bring forth ten feet of clothing stacks.

I now know what is driving the economy – its teenagers purchasing truckloads of hair gel and shower products. Its hard to get into the shower with all the bottles around. Maybe he just gets lonely while he’s in the shower and these are a substitute for the traditional toy boats from childhood.

Stairs are an adventure with him. Look at it this way, my stumpy legs can’t keep up with his double strides up stairs. Forget escalators – he’s too impatient to wait. Two steps at a time. I’m plodding along behind, slow and steady and he’s already hopping from foot to foot waiting for me.

I live on the 20th floor – the elevators take too long for him. He was tired of waiting for it to arrive and left his grandmother to get it while he jogged up the stairs. He beat the elevator. Either our elevators are hellishly slow or he can really motor. He wasn’t even out of breath.

Also, do teenage boys now how to hang up towels after they use them? Piles of soggy wet towels on the floor and then they are looking for dry ones. If they hung up the towel in the first place, then the towels will be dry when they need them.The real problem? The brown eyes and grin. One grin and a laugh and I’m putty again. Sigh. Wouldn’t change a thing about him… except maybe to remember to put the shower curtain inside the tub when he uses it.

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