Romance is not dead, its just in a coma

August 15th, 2007 · No Comments

I read an article yesterday - bad day had a migraine, that’s my excuse - about actor and prurient soul Terrance Howard. He came out with a gem while talking to Elle magazine. He doesn’t date ladies who don’t use “moistened tissue on visits to the toilet”. He further states that the women just aren’t “completely clean” if they use traditional toilet paper.

I wonder if he has a microchip implanted in each potential date that alerts him as to whether his current amour cheats on him in the loo. Maybe he has a camera in the toilet. Or maybe he just whispers sweet nothings into her ear:

Oh baby, you are the one. Oh you are the best, the only. My heart sings for you. By the way sweet’ems, did you use a baby wipe while you were in the john?

Musical. Brings a tear to my eye.

The answer to the above question is he actually tells his date to make the change to baby wipes. A wee bit creepy if you ask me. If someone said that to me, I’d burst out laughing so hard I’d likely have to pee again.

Romeo goes on to say:

If they’re using dry paper, they aren’t washing all of themselves. It’s just unclean.

Has he never heard of showers? Is he so obsessed with this that he snoops around a woman’s bathroom?

The answer my friends is yes, yes, yes.

So if I go inside a woman’s house and see the toilet paper there, I’ll explain this. And if she doesn’t make the adjustment to baby wipes, I’ll know she’s not completely clean.

He’s so romantic!

Ohh, ick. This is definitely more information than I need or want. What ever happened to modesty? Does the public really need to know such silly personal hang ups? Guess they do. How else will he notify ladies-in-waiting than to publicly broadcast his fetishes.

I’m going to work now. Hopefully I can purge this bit of stupidity from my brain.