I want to be an accountant when I grow up

Posted on | August 20, 2007 | Comments Off

According to the CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation), Dell Computers has announced it will ‘readjust’ their earnings from the past 4 years. Seems someone fudged the reports. CBC writes:

an internal probe found the company misled its auditors and manipulated results for performance goals.

To the tune of approx. $150 million dollars. Someone did a bit of the old smoke and mirrors with the facts and figures issued to the auditors and over reported earnings so the company could look good to their stock holders. As usual the inevitable statement has been made by the Securities Commission that the investigation into Dell’s accounting and reporting will be on-going. Gotta love that phrase – on-going. Translation: we’ll do bugger all until the public throw a conniption and make us do something.

If I pulled this type of magic with my finances, I’d have my backside yanked out of my comfy chair and thrown into court so fast, I’d be dizzy. There seems to be an epidemic of shoddy bookkeeping and imaginative reporting. Basic math seems to have vanished and has been replaced with fantasy league accounting.

My main question is this: Why are these folks allowed to get away with this time after time? If questionable accounting practices are now the norm (just look at the string of accounting scandals that appear month after month), then why can’t I do the same thing for my bank account? Why do I have to make sure I balance to the penny. When I write a cheque, I bloody well better have the money in the bank to cover it. But big business can pull any figure they want out of the air, pay themselves hefty bonuses for lieing and cheating and then say “opps” when they are caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

The powers that be are quite choosy in who they wish to prosecute. An interesting list of who gets away with this type of creative bookkeeping is growing and only a token few have been nailed. Why is Conrad Black the poster boy for corporate malfeasance and the rest get a slap on the wrist, a wink and told ‘naughty boy don’t get caught next time.’ I am not defending Black. Oh no, not by any stretch of the imagination. His arrogance has been his own downfall. I weep no tears over his troubles. He threw away his Canadian citizenship saying it was “an impediment to his progress in another more amenable jurisdiction.” Now he wants it back. So much for being a milestone around his neck.

But I find it fascinating that so few business types are dragged into the courts, and when the corporate clowns make it as far as a trial and conviction they get an all expense paid vacation to Club Fed… unless you happen to be a female, then its the regular pokey for you. Shame on you, you selfish woman for wanting what we have! What a closed club.

To be successful you have to have a shaky set of values, no math skills and a don’t give a damn attitude. How do they find so many accountants with these qualities? And where the hell are their bosses? Don’t they have some responsibility ensuring the work is done properly? No one is watching anymore.

I think I’ll redo my accounts. I’d like to show a million dollar profit. Wonder how I can fudge that and make the banks believe it.

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