Catpaw - diary of an angry cat

I’ve been scooting through Canada Post and United States Postal Service web sites, looking at what cannot be mailed to various countries. I’ve come to a rather sad conclusion - I must lead a very sheltered life. While many of the items that are prohibited are downright comical, some give me pause. Examples:

“Photographic films, including plates and paper intended for photography.” Cameras cause a problem in all sorts of countries. Can’t have the public making a visual record of the government’s jackboot behaviour.

Vietnam goes one better - “Invisible ink, codes, cyphers, symbols or other types of secret correspondence, and shorthand notes.” Can’t eavesdrop on the Prols if you can’t understand what they are saying, now can you. I just love the invisible ink part. It pops up in a few cases, but it is so James Bond, or primary school. I remember the fun we had making our own invisible ink way back in grade 4.

Phones, recorders and the usual assortment of items we take for granted here in the west are found on a large number of no-mail lists. Anything that might disseminate information of any sort is highly suspect to many governments. Kind of like the big bad wolf “better to see/hear/control you” if you don’t have access to these things.

There are an alarming number of countries that found it necessary to specify you cannot send human remains through the mail. Just how many vacationers tried to mail home their deceased companion - parcel post?

Australia has one of the strangest prohibitions - “Registered philatelic articles with fictitious addresses”. I just can’t wrap my little furry brain around this one. Does this mean I can send via regular mail such articles to fictitious addresses? And why would I want to send anything to a fictitious address? What purpose does this serve? We aren’t talking about hard core drug smuggling here with a fake drop off address, we are talking about stamps. Could someone explain to me the dangers of registered philatelic articles. Those of you not in the know, philatelic articles mean articles related to collecting stamps as a hobby. This could be books, magazines or stamps.

While I’m on the subject of Australia, did you know you can’t send goods bearing the name “Anzac” through the mail? How odd. Can anyone offer an explanation to this?

Azerbaijan actually bans the sending of “knuckledusters, stiletto blades, balls of paralyzing fluid”. Who uses the term knuckleduster? No one talks like that! Does this come from the folks down at the US post office or is this something the Azerbaijan government has specified. This sounds like something from a bad 1930’s gangster film. A wide number of countries have items like these listed. Just what does the world get up to while I’m asleep? I have to confess, I would never think of owning, let alone mailing, brass knuckles, knuckledusters, blackjacks and more. And yes, these are words used on the website.

Bahamas has something against “Skimmed milk in tins”. No mailing the cow juice there! Can we send powered skim milk?

Benin doesn’t want anything to do with “Gramophone records”, are cds okay? or mp3s?

Bulgaria has a more peculiar problem. They don’t like ““Musical” cards (cards that play a sound recording when opened)”. Now doesn’t that make you think.

China prohibits “Wrist-watches, cameras, television sets, radio sets, tape records, bicycles, sewing machines, and ventilators.” I guess they are afraid they might be manufactured in China and they don’t want the shoddy material returning.

Guyana doesn’t want you to send “Furniture and fixtures” through the local post. How else can you send that sofa bed, than first class mail?

Iran doesn’t want sugar, brown or otherwise, to be mailed. Iran presents it’s own sad case of no mails. They include:

• musical instruments - oh the terrors of a finely tuned guitar. It might bring down the lunatics in power
• fashion magazines - can’t let nasty thought enter the mind of their human cattle … er women
• Radio systems that are equipped with a single sideband; upper sideband; lower sideband; beat frequency oscillator; continuous air wave band; police band; or an FM band having a frequency range of 76 to 87 MHz. - Oh just say it for god’s sake you don’t want any radios! If they don’t know you have a radio, then they can’t control what you are listening to. You might tune into that subversive organisation the BBC and hear the truth.

Italy has the longest list of peculiarities. I’ve taken out the usual prohibitions against food, arms and weapons, human remains, squishy parsites and bugs, etc:

• Albums of any kind (of photographs, postcards, postage stamps, etc.). - I would love to hear the logic behind this!
• Bells and other musical instruments and parts thereof. - oh the bells, bells bells! Can I send them if I wrap the clappers to stop the noise?
• Clocks and supplies for clocks. - Perhaps the clock maker’s union has forced this
• Ether and chloroform. - can you imagine the chaos if the parcel broke open? I can’t think of any legitimate reason to send either through general post.
• Exposed photographic and cinematographic films. - can people not send their relatives photos of their visit?
• Footwear of any kind.
• Haberdashery and sewn articles of any kind, including trimmings and lace; handkerchiefs; scarves; shawls, needlework including stockings and gloves; bonnets, caps, and hats of any kind.
• Hair and articles made of hair.
• Live bees, leeches, and silkworms. - Okay so I didn’t leave the squishy bugs out. I can’t help it. I giggle everytime I think of a box of bees and puff pack of leeches being stamped and mailed on.
• Nutmeg, vanilla; sea salt, rock salt; saffron.
• Parasites and predators of harmful insects. - This has to be put into print?
• Perfumery goods of all kinds (except soap). - well, unlike some countries, at least Italians can have soap
• Playing cards of any kind.
• Ribbons for typewriters.
• Roasted or ground coffee and its substitutes; roasted chicory.
• Toys not made wholly of wood.

Jordan wins the “lets stick our head in the sand” award with this “Advertisements concerning treatment of venereal diseases or medicinal preparations intended to serve as preventives against those diseases.” If we don’t let the people know about the problem, then it doesn’t exist. Unless they mean the snake oil remedies. But somehow I don’t think so.

Liechtenstein has the funniest - “Mini-spies (miniature wireless transmitters)”. Before I read the wireless transmitter part, I broke up into giggles at the thought of mailing itty bitty spies via first class mail.

Did you know there was such a thing as Tobacco sauce? I didn’t. You can buy them for about 10ml for $2.00 from a company in the US. Bleck.. what a terrible taste that would leave. Anyway, Madagasgar doesn’t want the stuff sent in the mail.

Quite a number of countries ban the mailing of watches and watch parts. What is the problem with allowing folks to tell the time?

Three spices make the no go list on quite a number of counties lists. The offenders are cardamon, cinnamon and cloves. Now, I’m not sure if this means the countries cannot have them mailed or if it is a general ban. Do the countries simply have a problem with these delicious flavours being sent through the post, or being sent period. Does this mean no spice cookies for Christmas?

Vanilla, sea salt, rock salt & saffron also make numerous appearances on no mail lists.

I mentioned police whistles yesterday. A couple of South and Central American countries have banned the mailing of them. Can I courier down a box lot? I doubt that. Police whistles are very effective when it comes to political protests. They make a loud, raucous noise and add to the general chaos of the protests. I suspect that is the reason behind the ban.

One country actually bans the mailing of “Japanese made shaving brushes”. How specific is that? Tanzania has no embargo about mailing body parts or human remains, just Japanese made shaving brushes. Uganda has something against Japanese shaving brushes too.

Peru has a huge list of nonsensical stuff, including artificial flowers and interior ornaments, underwear, imitation jewelry, ceramic products,… oh hell there are so many fun things on their list I can’t help myself - here it is (pared of the usual stuff):

• Accessories and personal items. - well this covers just about everything, doesn’t it.
• Artificial flowers and interior ornaments.
• Ceramic products and imitation jewelry.
• Clothing, accessories, and underwear. - Love the underwear part
• Communist propaganda. - guess fascist propoganda is alright
• Contraceptive products, remedies, or apparatus.
• Electrical household appliances.
• Footwear, shoes, boots, and accessories.
• Gloves and hosiery.
• Household articles of iron, steel, copper, and aluminum.
• Household linens.
• Perfume products or soaps.
• Playing cards. - what does the world have against gin rummy? Playing cards appear on a lot of lists.
• Sound recorders and reproducing devices. - this covers mp3 players!
• Textiles and carpets.
• Toys and dolls of all kinds.
• Travel articles, suitcases, attache cases, kits, or similar articles. - can’t let the people pack up their belongings in case they flee.
• Used clothing and shoes.
• Used tires - seriously, who sends tires through the mail. The cost alone prohibits this! I priced out a single tire sent by Canada Post and the cheapest way is general parcel post, and each tire would cost over $130 each. This is the rock bottom price.
• Waxes and creams for shoes.
• Wooden utensils.

Russia doesn’t want “Transmitters and transceivers of any power, except Panasonic radiotelephones, models KX-T7980, KX-T9000, KT–T9050, and KX-T90890.” Does the government have a deal with Panasonic? I suspect it has a much more paranoid rational - if they know the model numbers, it is easier to eavesdrop on the phones. They also don’t want any colour copiers sent through the mail.

I worry about any country that says you can’t mail “Paper and writing products (envelopes, ink, pencils, pens, erasers, chalk, etc.)” as Sri Lanka does. What is the risk of such items? Why can’t we mail a box of chalk to a school? No writing material at all! No learning for you! No literacy either.

Flypaper makes the list in Swaziland. At first I thought this was just plain weird until I remembered flypaper often contains strychnine, and I don’t think that’s something you want to handle through the post office. Plus flypaper is just plain disgusting!

Syria is fun. They don’t want women’s stockings, except for wool ones, mailed. Oh for a well turned leg! Can’t let a woman looking attractive and corrupting the weak willed men in that country. Heaven forbid! No Television equipment of any kind either. Or margarine…. Or soap (except for shaving soap)….I’m sure there is some insidious plot there, but it’s hard to see at the moment

Togo doesn’t like foreign silver coins. I wonder if they are afraid they will be melted down so forgers can make Togo silver coins? But then it takes 442 Togo Francs to equal 1 Canadian dollar (silver or otherwise), 908 Togo Francs to equal 1 British Pound or 448 Togo Francs to equal 1 US dollar, so I don’t think it is economically sound to counterfeit in this way.

I really do have too much time on my hands, don’t I?

Stumble it!