Catpaw – diary of an angry cat

The coroner leading the inquest into Diana’s death has gone on the record to say there is “not a shred of evidence” to support the allegations the Royal family had Diana and Dodi murdered.

Let me put into words what the world has been saying about these allegations for years – “well duh!”

Let’s hope this puts an end to the seemingly endless waste of money going to the examination, in minute detail, of every aspect of Diana’s life and death. Let the woman have some peace, let her children finally bury her.

But it won’t end, will it? There is an insatiable appetite for dredging up this nonsense and wasting millions and millions of UK taxpayers dollars. All for what? To satisfy the prurient interests of the conspiracy nuts? To sate the appetite of a grieving father who won’t admit the truth or let his son go? Can’t you hear al Fayed gearing up for stab at another inquiry? He has raced way past parental grief and right into the land of conspiracy lunacy. Someone needs to shake that man up and make him realize all this will not bring Dodi back, nor will it make his grief easier to deal with. In the meantime he is just making a mockery of his pain.

Face it – people die. People die in accidents everyday. People die because of stupid accidents. And unfortunately Diana and Dodi died in a spectacularly stupid fashion. The rich and famous are not immune to this. It is tragic. It was heartbreaking. But it does not make a conspiracy.

As to the rumour Diana was pregnant? That would not have given the al Fayed family an ‘in’ with the Royal family. The child would not have been royalty – as al Fayed so desperately seems to want. I also doubt Diana was so careless. The coroner was very succinct in his take on this salacious bit of gossip. After pointing out the rumour came directly from Dodi’s father, the corner stated, “Is he a man whose word you can trust?” Oh… no I don’t think so. What if she was? So what? That still doesn’t make for a conspiracy. AND IT IS NONE OF OUR BUSINESS. Any child would have been in line to inherit Harrod’s, not the Throne.

It’s time the UK public stopped being held hostage by the lunatic fringe. The near 7 million pounds paid out for this absurd circus could have benefited a lot of people in England. It’s also about time the rest of the world butted out of this and let Diana’s boys remember her with dignity and grace.

Enough.

I received an answer from tech support! And believe it or not, it makes sense and is relevant. I’m in a tizzy with excitement.

When I last left you, I had sent a message to a computer company in the hope of getting a straight forward answer to a simply question. 3 messages later, I finally have my answer. Let’s pick up where I left off:

Email three:

Me:

I once again thank you for your fast response. However… you still have not
answered my original question. I do not want to replace my current onboard
video card. I simply wish to know if I can ADJUST THE MEMORY from its
current 128 megs configuration to 256. According to the computer specs I
should be able to adjust it up from the 128 megs.
Please note: I do not wish to replace the card – I simply want to know if I
can adjust the memory allocation. Thank you for your time on this matter.

Their response:

Thank you for your reply.
I understand how you feel and I deeply apologize for the inconvenience this issue is causing you.

**** the issue never caused me distress! It was the company’s assinine answers that caused me stress ******

I have gone through the bios screen of the PC and I found that this PC does not have the facility to change manually to upgrade the Memory.

**** exactly what I wrote in my original enquiry to them. I wanted to verify I was correct and hoped maybe there was another way. *****

Video memory is not user adjustable on this motherboard.

 *** Now was that so hard to write? ****

The BIOS allocates 32 or 64 MB of system memory for graphics before Windows has loaded. After Windows loads, a graphics driver can allocate additional memory as needed. The table below shows the maximum amount of graphics memory that can be allocated:

video memory allocation chart
Installed System Memory Pre-allocated by BIOS Total max video memory buffer:
<= 256 MB 32 MB 128 MB
>= 512MB 64 MB 256 MB

End answer.

So the simple solution is to load more general ram into my computer and the video card will be allocate more memory automatically.

… just don’t ask me to deal with any tech support for 24 hours.

I hate calling or dealing with almost all computer technical support lines. I find I get plunged into a parallel world of nonsense, silliness and downright stupidity.
Many customers don’t understand why I sigh so heavily when they insist I call any tech lines. I try to explain I hate sitting around while they are paying me to twiddle my fingers while I am on eternal hold. I can solve most computer problems long before I even get past the “Please press 1 for ” or the “your call is important to us, please hold for the next available person”.

I also try to tell them some of the fixes the companies supply are stupid – sorry, the only word for it – and in some cases down right dangerous. I had one customer who was told to “shut the power off to her house and then back on. That should solve the problem”. What was the problem? A glitch in her email that was solved by yours truley in less than 5 minutes. It was a small configuration error caused when the Internet provider upgraded the security on email accounts but neglected to tell their customers they may have to make a very small change in their settings. What in hell good is it to send the woman down into her basement, locate the main power box and have her turn the entire power supply off and then back on again? No, really, what is the point? Can anyone answer that for me? 2 months after this incident I’m still trying to answer the question. I found the fix on the company’s own web site by the way.

Another favourite fix? “Oh just format the computer and put the software back in” Oh yes this is an excellent suggestion. Please wait while I wipe the customer’s computer clean, delete all their files and then reinstall everything simply because you, the Technical Support Wanker, are too F*&$ng lazy to do your job correctly. I have had customers call me in tears because they can’t understand what they have been told to do, or worse did what they were told to do and lost everything.

And don’t get me started on the poor customers who admittedly don’t know a thing about computer support and get abused when they call tech support for help. I positively spit nails when I hear the abuse some of my lovely older women get when they phone up the support lines. Sorry folks but that is what you are paid to do – deal with the great computer illiterate public about their problems. If you don’t want to do the job then find something else. You aren’t funny or clever when you insult the poor sod on the other end of the line. You are being a jackass. I have one woman – retired in her early 70′s – who called about her internet connection not working. Tech support called her stupid and a pain in the ass. I was furious. Don’t call my customers names. Don’t you dare. That is what we, the TECH SUPPORT sector, are paid to do – fix their problems – not sit in a chair and whine when you are expected to do your job. AND YES IT IS HARD! I am the first to admit that it is frustrating, annoying and occassionally tedious dealing with the same problems over and over. But that is my bread and butter. I smile and tell my customers “don’t worry, that’s what you pay me to do”. AND I FIX THEIR F’N PROBLEMS. Even when I would merrily smack the odd annoying customer, I bite my tongue and fix the problem.

This little rant brings me to a current round of silliness I’m experiencing about my own computer. I have a very small question I would like an answer to and had no option but email the computer tech support. I have what is called a built in or onboard video card. Its perfect for my needs. It has a certain amount of system memory allocated to its use. I wanted to know if there was any way of increasing the amount of memory the video card can access. With each answer from the company, I feel like I’m plunging deeper down the rabbit’s hole in Alice in Wonderland. I shutter to think what it would be like if I didn’t have a strong grasp on reality and an even stronger understanding of computers.

Here, to date, is the correspondance:

(all bolding & *** are my addition not the computer company’s)

To the company via email:

Email ONE

Me: problem description :

Quick question about the video card – is there any
way of increasing the memory allocated to the built in nvidia card? I’ve
been through the BIOS and there is no area to adjust the memory.

Their response:

I greatly appreciate that you have forwarded your concerns and have
given me a chance to assist you with this matter.

I understand from your email that you want to upgrade the Video card of
the PC.

******* this was the first hint of how horribly bad the rest of my dealings with this company are about to become *******

I have gone through the product specification and I have found that the
PC has been shipped with PCI Express slot.

**** I’m asking so what at this point. I don’t care about the extra slot. I want to know if I can make a very simple change to the exisiting card. It’s a yes here’s how you do it, or a no sorry you can’t. *****

PCI Express is a third generation I/O interconnect technology intended
to replace the PCI bus and the AGP* interface. It is designed to deliver
the highest performance in graphics, video, and multimedia through a
serial data transfer scheme allowing for higher clockspeeds and
dedicated connections.

You may very well use any PCI Express card to upgrade the Video. If you
will upgrade the graphics card it may require more power Supply. I would
like to inform you that there are various factors that needed to be
considered before upgrading the Power Supply. As there are various
factors needed to consider, it is not possible to tell whether you can
install the Power Supply that you have provided in the computer.

Some of the Power Supply specifications includes:

Dimensions of the Power Supply.
Number of pins used in the Power Supply.

Further, the Power Supply specifications are system specific and the
Power Supply depends on motherboard and chipset. I have gone through the
specifications for *** PC and found that the
bundled Power Supply has the following power specifications:

power supply

input voltage for 250W models:
100-127v/6A
200-240V/3A
input voltage for 300W models:
100-127v/8A
200-240V/4A
maximum output wattage: 300W or 250W (depending on model)

These specifications are recommended by ***in order for the smooth
functioning of the Computer. It is possible to install the High voltage
Power Supply if the Power Supply meets the dimensions and number of pins
specifications. However, the motherboard and chipset should also support
higher voltage, and it has to be tested before installing the high
voltage Power Supply. To check whether the motherboard and chipset
supports high voltage Power Supply, I recommend you to visit the nearest
*** Authorized Service Provider so that the technician tests the
motherboard and provide you the maximum possible upgrade information.

**** WHOA now we are talking about spending some serious bucks here. I only want to know can I adjust my existing memory. It’s a simple 2 second job with no testing required. *********

NOTE: It is strongly recommended to test the motherboard and
chipset before installingthe high voltage Power Supply.
I believe the above provided steps should resolve the issue regarding
the graphics card. However, if you have any issues then please get back
to us as we are here to help you any hour in a day. We work here to help
our customers 24/7.

end of answer one

HAVE YOUR EYES GLAZED OVER YET????

Email TWO

me:

The info on the power supply is excellent information. Thank you for
that. But… and you just knew there was going to be a but … I was
actually wondering if I could increase the amount of ram my current
onboard video card accesses. In some computers that can be adjusted by
going into the bios settings and changing the memory allocation. I don’t
see such a setting on this machine and was wondering if the memory
allocation is locked.

Thanks. The info you sent will help me because I wish to install a
second agp card into the system so I’ll check that before going ahead
and doing so.

*** In hindsite I should never have said anything about how their info will be useful with the second card I’m going to install. That just gave them some gas in their silly engines ****

Their response:

Thank you for your reply.

We need to disable onboard Video to active the external video.I understand that you are in need know the procedure to disable the on-board video on your computer.

*** What the f*&k??? Where did this come from? ******************

I feel glad to provide the required information.

In order to get the steps to disable the onboard video please refer “Figure 10: One example of a BIOS Setup Screen” in the following generic ** website which will guide you exactly in this regard.

Alternatively, you can also refer the following steps to disable the onboard video:

To disable your onboard video card in the system BIOS, follow the steps given below:

===Steps to enter the BIOS Setup ====

Click Start, and then click Shut Down.
Select Restart, and then click OK.

When the first screen appears, press F1 to enter the BIOS Setup. On certain *** PCs (prior to 2002) press the F10 key at the logo screen to enter setup.

Caution: Caution should be used when making changes in the BIOS
Setup utility. A mistake could cause the PC to not
perform as expected.

2. You will be presented with a menu asking which language you wish to use.
Press ENTER or English and enter Setup.

3. Now move over to the ‘Advance’ column (using right arrow key) and then move
down to primary video adapter, press Enter.

4. Now select to PCI option under Primary video adapter/VGA Controller to disable the onboard vedio adapter
5. Now press F10, and then move to System column, highlight Save Changes and Exit,
6. Press Enter,
7. Press F10 to confirm.
I believe the above provided steps should help you to update the graphics card. However, if you have any issues then please get back to us as we are here to help you any hour in a day. We work here to help our customers 24/7.

End of answer two

Email THREE

me:

I once again thank you for your fast response. However… you still have not
answered my original question. I do not want to replace my current onboard
video card. I simply wish to know if I can ADJUST THE MEMORY from its
current 128 megs configuration to 256. According to the computer specs I
should be able to adjust it up from the 128 megs.
Please note: I do not wish to replace the card – I simply want to know if I
can adjust the memory allocation. Thank you for your time on this matter.

End of my part three

I’m waiting for their reply. I cracked up when I read their response. It told me very clearly that tech support is not even reading the messages, they are just trotting out standard, boiler plate fixes for the most commonly asked questions. The company is dancing all around the question. It’s a simple enough question – can I or can’t I?

I’ll keep you posted when I get the next letter.

Oh I am a happy cat! I have a new computer! Just brought it home yesterday and have spent the last little while puttering around with it and making it just perfect.

I have all these neat little tips and fixes to speed up Vista – it really is a pig of a program but when you tweak it and push it around a bit it turns into a great program with lots of speed and grace. I’m a fan of Vista, despite all it’s bad press. You just have to be stubborn and tweak it to within an inch of its life and then it runs great.

I just plugged my old SATA hard drive into the computer with a nifty little cable that plugs into the USB port so I don’t have to crack the case open to install the drive. So… all my files from the old computer are moving over as we speak, to the new drive. When its done, I’ll package up the old drive and use it as a backup. Nice eh?

Oh I love playing with computers. So many tweaks and fixes, so little time.

To the man on the subway who was squashed up against me during my trip home today.

For the love of everything sacred buy a bra and wear it!

All that jiggling, bibbling, wavering flesh in my face was really more than this poor little cat could handle.
I’m going to have to have some serious therapy now to get past the image of your huge man boobs pressed against me.

Thanks for the image that is now permanently seared into my brain.

It’s Saturday night and I’m watching some house flipping/reno/home buying shows.

One thought has struck me – why are BIG and numerous bathrooms such an obsession? Over and over people snub houses because the bathroom isn’t huge or there is only 1.5 or 2 bathrooms. Singles and couples with no children are the worst offenders in this.

I watched one show where the people were not happy because the house – 5 bedrooms – didn’t have an ensuite bathroom for each bedroom. They wanted each child to have their own bathroom! Utter silliness! In another lovely place they turned the home down because the large bathrooms weren’t large enough.

Big bathroom? Just how much time are you planning on spending in there?  Now I don’t want a bathroom that is so small I can’t move around, but the demands of some of these people are simply silly. Some of the rooms are bigger than my bloody bedroom. Just what do they think they will do with all that space? Move a couch in and stretch out? Hell folks, it’s a toilet – do you really want to lounge around in it?

One person was concerned the bathroom wasn’t large enough to accommodate their flat screen tv. THEIR TV? God help us, not only are they obsessed with bowel movements, they don’t want to miss 1 single commercial.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t spend that much time in the bathroom that watching tv while in there isn’t an issue. If you can’t take 2o minutes out of your busy tv schedule for your shower or bath, then you need serious therapy.

In every single show the potential buyer wants numerous bathrooms. I recently watched one where someone will be living alone wanted 2 or 3 bathrooms. Why? Will she be jumping from bathroom to bathroom? Is she expecting to be so taken short that she needs strategically located loos?

What is this obsession? What does this say about the diet of the average house buyer? Perhaps a bit more fibre in their diets might help them get passed their single minded focus on bathrooms. Or maybe they have too much fibre and all they can think of is how they spend all their time running in and out of the throne room.

Regardless, I am concerned with this obsession. I want a functional room – I don’t want to spend all my time there, nor do I want to become fixated on it.