Catpaw – diary of an angry cat

Did you know

… in Zwolle Louisianna they have a Tamale Festival. They even vote on a Tamale Festival Queen.
Does this make her a Hot Tamale?

… the famous phone booth in the middle of the Mohave Desert was actually removed in 2000 by PacBell. They also retired the phone booth’s phone number. So to any of you still trying to ring the number, if you get an answer, you just dialed a wrong number. Bummer eh?

… it’s cheaper to use Zimbabwean currency as toilet paper than to purchase the real stuff? Might I be cheeky and suggest Mr Mugabe convert the country over to 2 ply, recycled toilet paper? Not only would it be financially sounder, it would be environmentally friendly.

… there are many old laws on the books that simply cost too much to remove? One such law makes it illegal to drag a dead horse down Yonge Street (main and longest street in Toronto) on Sundays. Does this mean I can drag a dead horse down the street this coming Monday?

… Scotland goes one better – you can’t be drunk and be in possession of a cow. Does that mean a live cow? Or a dead cow? Does the law specify? And why? Just what do they mean by “in possession of a cow”? Were the Scottish authorities worried the cow would be … oh lord let’s just not go there.

… Thailand has a law on the books that make it illegal to leave the house sans underwear? How do the authorities know? Are there panty police patrolling? Do you get frisked to find out?

… that there is a rumour floating around the internet that the Encyclopedia Brittannica is banned in Texas because it has a recipe for beer in it? I’m not sure it’s a real law because the online version of the Brittannica is available to students in Texas. What frightens me the most about this is the fact so many of us will believe the rumour simply because of George Bush.

… that people still believe the email claiming Bill Gates and AOL will give them money simply for using their software? Psst… hey, you… I have a great plot of land in the middle of the swamp for sale! Prime housing!

… that people are still falling for the Nigerian scam? Holy crap! If you are so greedy as to believe this crap, you need a serious shaking.

… that people still believe Madalyn Murray O’Hair, the controversial US athiest, is still trying to ban all religious programming from the US airwaves? Er… this is a neat trick for an athiest, she’d have to resurrect herself first. She was murdered in 1995.

… that I’m still obsessing about Beanie Weenies? Everytime I think of the name I break out into fits of giggles. Anyone in the US – can you tell me if your local store sells Beanie Weenies. I just have to know!

Did you know Van Camp’s actually has a product called Beanee Weenees. I swear I wish I could make this type of thing up.

Would you eat something called Beanee Weenees?

I don’t think I could. I’d keep spitting up the beanees and weenees everytime I think of the name. I’d be snorting beans and weiners all over the dinner table.

Beanee Weenees? Don’t you wish you were in the marketing meeting that came up with that name?

I thought we had left behind the world of the portrayal of woman as being mindless drones living solely to make the men in their lives happy. Someone needs to let Proctor & Gamble know this. They are currently running a series of commercials, here in Canada, called Home Made Simple. Now I have nothing against the basic idea of this advertising campaign. It’s designed around the notion of making housekeeping simpler and efficient. Nice idea.

But what did the public get?

A bunch of women who appear to be brain washed into believing the only thing important in their lives is how to be totally obsessed with keeping the “Perfect” home. My skin crawls every-time the commercial comes on. I have reacted so strongly to it, I actually wrote P&G and gave them a list of products I will no longer be purchasing from them.

What is the problem with the commercial? It focuses on a group of young women sitting around a couch with plastered on grins (I swear to god I thought this was a spoof of the Stepford Wives the first time I saw it) talking about how important it is for their families that they (the collected women) keep the home spotless and clean. If it is so important, then tell your lazy ass children and hubby to get off their collective backsides and lend a hand. A clean home is important, but it is not a reason for living.

The spot that drove me over the edge was the one where two of the women talk about their boys – one states with a giggle and smile “They are little dribble factories” in the bathroom. The women in the ad all nodded in unison as thought this were perfectly normal. EXCUSE ME? Tell the little wankers to clean up after themselves AND to be polite and aim properly. Are they this sloppy when they visit friends? I hope not. Don’t sit on the couch and smile blankly as if this is cute and acceptable. The other woman, with the same scary blank smile, talks about how her boys love to give the toilet paper role a good hard spin and unravel most of the the toilet paper onto the floor. She has come up with a helpful hint on how to stop this – not the logical “Cut the nonsense out boys” but squish the roll so it won’t spin. This is not a solution lady! This is allowing unacceptable behaviour to go unchecked.

All the commercials are like this. They scare me. The women come off as though they were cloned at the back lot of the Stepford Wives movie. There is only one thing that is important and that is a home kept in pristine condition and the family members will only be content if wifey does this. This is crap. I’m still having flashbacks to an era when this really was all there was to the lives of suburban wives. A lot of women worked very hard to break out of this stereotype and P&G is driving them right back.

And while I’m on this rant – let’s include Electrolux in the same vein. They are currently running a similar Stepford Wives commercial for their kitchen appliances. Now out of the two commercials, I think this one gets under my skin a bit deeper. The commercial stars someone called Kelly Ripa. Sorry, I don’t recognize the name and I apologize if I offend one of her fans. But seriously, I have no idea who she is – except she has the perfect Stepford Wives act going. The commercial has the theme to Bewitched playing in the background, here’s the transcript:

Thank you so much (clapping as she rushes out of a packed room).
How do I entertain a packed house? With my new Electrolux appliances.
Now I can cook the roast for the dinner party and the mac and cheese for the sleep over. Simmer the chocolate sauce, toss Chuck his toy (Chuck’s a dog), serve the gummie bears (3 healthy looking young girls sitting on a couch with their hands out for room service), then the apple juice at the perfect temperature (for god sake’s, it’s flipping apple juice not an expensive white wine, get a grip – perfect temperature? What? Do your kids sit around with a thermometer in hand to make sure you don’t screw up?), be the charming co-host (and just where is hubby in all of this? Shouldn’t he be lending a hand – the lazy sod), clean the stemware perfectly and end the night looking for monsters under the bed….

You get the idea? Perfect, perfectly? Sounds like the previous commercial, doesn’t it? Mindless drone who has to make sure she never, ever makes a mistake or she isn’t all woman and the perfect mother. It’s time we stood up to the marketing companies and demand they stop this asinine marketing. I would not have gotten so hot under the collar if the words perfection were not used so often. It’s insidious and pushes an idea of unattainable perfection. It’s also extremely annoying. I’m tired of having this tripe foisted onto us. Perhaps these companies should trash their existing marketing companies and hire someone with a bit of humour and a dose of reality.

Oh and anyone out there who is the mother of any of these marketing folks – cuff the buggers on the back of the head for me. Tell them you don’t need to be told you aren’t fullfilling your duties if you aren’t perfect.

“We Move Toronto”

So states the TTC Union Local 113′s web site. I think they should it rewrite to read:

“We Screw the Workers of Toronto”

Union leader Bob Kinnear needs to get off his high horse and apologize to the public for putting so many people in danger Friday night by the unions incredibly irresponsible behaviour. The people endangered were not just those left stranded on dark streets at midnight, it includes a lot of front line union workers who had to face the wrath of the public as they booted people out of subway stations, off buses and street cars. Instead of apologizing for this miscalculation, Mr Kinnear threw oil on the already overheated fires by issuing the following statement on the union’s web site:

First of all I want to thank each and every one of our members for their complete solidarity once the strike was called at midnight on Friday. We knew we would be severely criticized for calling the strike with no warning, but our first duty as a union is to protect the safety of our members. If only one member had been assaulted by a passenger angered by the strike, that would have been one too many.

We had no choice but to shut down the system as quickly as possible.

Let’s dispel a few of the sillier parts of this argument. If the Union were so concerned with the safety of their workers, they would have been wiser to wait until the end of the work day and then tell their workers don’t come in to start the day. Workers would have been safe and not endangered by the Union leaderships stupidity. How was throwing people out of subway stations and off buses safer? No Mr Kinnear, you issued this order to cause maximum chaos in the city in the hopes of forcing the city to back down. You and your leadership members were more concerned with making a political statement then the actual safety of your front line workers. You endangered them - not the public. Your actions stoked the flames.

The second part of this is the blatant disregard for the safety of the public. You are damned lucky no one was hurt Friday night. Damned lucky. Do you even care?

We met with the Provincial mediator and the company yesterday. We made proposals that would address the reasons our members so strongly rejected the settlement.

The Union rejected the deal because of a massive campaign of misinformation from within your own Union. It was your responsibility to nip this early and make sure your Union members were properly informed. You know that, I know that. It has been well documented in the local press about the problems within the Union and how rumours scuppered the deal – DO NOT BLAME ANYONE BUT YOUR OWN UNION AND YOUR OWN INACTION.

Your Union was offered a good deal. Some of your members, ticket takers, make approx $100,000 a year with overtime. Are you telling me a ticket taker, with a high school education is worth more than a highly skilled nurse? Are these people worth more than care givers who work long hard hours? No … no …. no… How many ways can I say it? One of your own Union members was boasting about how much he made – to the press – and how he was worth every cent. Sorry, but he isn’t. Granted, these people are not the norm, but there is a lot this sort of nonsense going on within your union ranks. Do you doubt this? Then check it out at TTC ticket collector rakes in $100Gs last year – the base salary for this very easy job is posted as $54,000. This job does not warrant this kind of pay scale. I don’t care how it is explained.

Management refused to consider any of our proposals because they knew we were going to be legislated back to work. They did not consult us about the back to work legislations.

You came back to the table with a new list of demands. You were offered a good deal that included good benefits, guaranteed 3% a year increase, better compensation, parity increase if the drivers in another city (Mississauga) get an increase and more. Want more? How about this:

3 per cent raise in each year of the three-year agreement; $300 every two years for vision care; $2,500 for dental care; up to $4,000 for orthodontic; $1,000 for physiotherapy and chiropractic care and $2,550 (maximum) for long term disability.

The TTC also agreed to top-up workers’ compensation benefits to 100 per cent of take-home pay. The TTC pension, was to have been addressed during the 2010 and 2011 TTC operating budget.

The agreement also contained a controversial GTA clause that would have guaranteed TTC drivers 5 cents an hour more than the highest paid operators in the region.
The Toronto Star Apr 26/08

You knew you would be legislated back to work – you were in the last strike. The government said it would consider such action again. Why was this such a shock? Are you blind? Are you willingly dumb on the matter. The TTC is an essential service in this city. Did you really expect the government to stand by while you paralysed the city? If you did, then you are hopelessly naive and should not be in the job you hold.

Did you really think the people of Toronto would idly sit by and let this nonsense happen? Do you think we are such a bunch of spineless sheep that we would not respond? Why are you so shocked by the anger? Your lame excuse about protecting your Union members simply does not wash with us. You endangered lives, you caused massive problems throughout the city, you forced people who made plans for the weekend to cancel them. The public is not stupid. We are not willing to sit by and be blind sided and abused by you or your Union.

You better wake up and start thinking about your actions and how they affect your front line workers and the public at large. We are not happy, and your arrogant response fuelled our anger even further. Take that insane message off your website and offer a conciliatory apology to the public. Then go back and negotiate fairly.

I’ve had a really, really annoying week. I’m so incredibly annoyed by what has gone on in the last 48 hours I am nearly speechless. I realize that is an unusual occurance, but there you have it.

I am going to collect my thoughts, figure out how to express myself in a proper fashion – without the need for a censor – and let you know what has been annoying this cat.

So, fair warning. I’m on a rant so be prepared.

I am thinking up every possible combination of rude words I can.

And I’m applying them to the TTC – Toronto Transit Commission – well actually the union to be precise.

About a week ago, the city and the union came to a tentative agreement. The union promised 48 hours notice if they were to go on strike. The agreement was rejected last night and the bastards walked out AT MIDNIGHT!

That’s right – no notice.

To make it even worse, they just shut down and kicked everyone out of the stations and left passengers stranded on dark city streets at midnight. No buses, no street cars nada!

They were told at 11:23pm to shut down. And they did.

Who cares about the safety of thousands of passengers?

Who gives a f*ck whether they were able to make it home after a long night’s work?

Dark street? Late night?

That’s your problem darling – not the TTC unions!

Can’t make it home and you’re wandering down a dark street, on a busy Friday night when all the drunks are coming out of the pubs?

So sad, to bad. Not their concern.

Bugger the public, bugger their safety, bugger their jobs – about million people rely upon the ttc every day to get back and forth to school, work, shopping, visiting and more.

It was a good agreement.

So now, because the Union reps don’t have the backbone to keep to their promise to the Toronto Public about a 48 hour notice, they left a lot of people stranded and in a dangerous situation last night. They’ve also made it impossible for many to make it to work – many of those people struggle to buy the flipping transit passes to begin with. Now some are going to miss work – who’s going to pay their bills?

If the TTC Union had any honour, they would have taken the rejection and gone back to the bargaining table before strikinng.

I’m going to stop writing now because I can feel another flood of profanity coming on, and I don’t think I’ll be able to hold back this time.