Catpaw - diary of an angry cat

hate
• verb feel intense dislike for or a strong aversion towards.
• noun 1 intense dislike; strong aversion. 2 informal a disliked person or thing. 3 before a noun denoting hostile actions motivated by intense dislike or prejudice: a hate campaign.

— DERIVATIVES hatable (also hateable) adjective hater noun.
— ORIGIN Old English.

Oxford Concise Dictionary

computer tech support
• verb to feel intensely stupid
• noun 1. totally useless tossers at the end of the phone/email who insist upon giving completely irrelevant support information
2. the act of feeding wrong information to customers because you were either too lazy or too stupid to actually listen to the problem.

— DERIVATIVES jackass (also git)
— ORIGIN Catpaw’s little red book of rants.

Catpaw

Before I begin, let me set some facts down. I work with computers everyday. As a matter of fact I am a computer tech support person - I can tear a computer down and build it back up, fix software problems, teach customers how to use their computers, build modest web sites, etc etc. In short, I am a computer techie.

So why the rant about my own profession? I hate, and I use that word with all it’s nasty little definitions in mind, calling up almost all computer tech support lines because 90% of the time I am given support that is not relevant to my problem or just plain stupid. I wrote a rant last week about trying to get a straight answer from a computer company about my video card memory. Scroll down a bit and you’ll see the entries on this. Well, last week just kept getting better and better! I was forced to deal with tech support twice more and the incidents just reaffirmed my opinion.

Let’s start with the first incident - get a coffee or tea, it’s going to be a long rant.

Thursday. Trying to set up a simple Internet connection on a new Vista laptop. Laptop running fine, no problems seeing wireless connections in the neighbourhood. Can’t get the computer to identify the high speed modem. That means no Internet connection. Trotted out my little bag of tricks and still nothing. No connection. Sighed because I knew that at this point I am going to have to call the Internet company tech support. I spent an hour on the phone and got nowhere. When I got through to the support line I told the techie everything I had done in an attempt to make a connection, only to be told:

Them: Okay, lets see if we can make a connection. Open up Network and sharing and tell me if you can see a connection.

*** if I could see a flipping connection I wouldn’t be calling. I had already stated the network couldn’t see it.****

Me: As I stated, the only thing showing is Unknown Network. I can’t get the computer to recognise the modem

Them: Okay. Double click on the modem and see if you connect

Me: I’ve tried that a number of times. The problem is, it is an unknown network. The computer cannot see the modem properly.

Them: I’m sure if you just double click you will see it connect.

Me: Okay. Here we go…

I read off the error to them, the same error I gave when I began this call.

Them: Okay. We don’t seem to be making a connection.

*** TA DA!!!!!! The flipping lights of genius come on *****

We went around in circles for an hour trying all sorts of completely useless things. I’m not going to relate all of them because most of you aren’t tech support so it will just make your eyes glaze over - suffice to say many of which were not even relevant to Vista.

Finally Support tried to get me to install some drivers for the modem so the modem could plug into the USB port instead of the Ethernet port. I patiently explained, they were XP drivers, not Vista and will not work. Also, the laptop has limited USB ports and I didn’t want to use one up with the modem. I also want to set up a wireless router so the customer can sit anywhere in the house - and the router doesn’t accept USB connections, only ethernet connnections, so this solution is less than useless. Support kept repeating, put the disk in the drive and let the drivers install. So I did.

Me: *** after reading out the error message *** These are xp drivers, not vista. They are not compatible, they do not work with Vista. Installing them will not clear up this problem. The modem worked with the old computer 1.5 hours ago. It does not work with Vista. Drivers will not help because the modem has already been working. It worked perfectly. How are installing incorrect drivers going to help?

** I was feeling a bit frustrated by this point ***

Them: What is your address. We can send you the drivers in the mail.

*** giving in at this point thinking I’ll solve it another way ***

Me: blah blah blah is the address. Is there a site on the web I can download the drivers? I don’t want my customer waiting 3 days to connect to the Internet.

Them: You don’t have a connection. How can you download the drivers?

Me: *** stunned silence *** I can go to another computer at a neighbour’s house and get them.

Them: But if you are not connected to the Internet how can you get them.

*** I kid you not I was left speechless after that last statement. I took about 10 seconds to recover ***

Me: I can pop over to another computer and download them and bring them back.

Them: How can you do that?

*** No sh*t. I was actually asked by a computer tech support person - who was getting paid for their expertise in computers - how I can get the software from one computer to another. God help me! I was completely stunned by this entire exchange. I was so taken aback by the lack of computer savy I just couldn’t let it go.***

Me: Er… I’ll just throw them onto my little pen drive. Is there a web site?

*** I knew damned well there was one. I was just too amazed at this person to stop asking. It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. You know you should just look away but you can’t.***

Them: We’ll send you the drivers by mail.

*** obviously the idea of using the Internet from a different computer hasn’t registered with this person***

Me: But it would be faster to download them and pop back here. That way my customer won’t have to wait for snail mail.

Them: You don’t have an Internet connection so I’ll have to mail the drivers to you.

Me: Fine, you do that.

*** I’d had enough. This complete lack of knowledge seemed to confirm that all the tech support I had just received wasn’t worth a pinch of sh*t. ***

Them: Is there anything else I can do for you?

Me: *** biting tongue firmly ** Oh no. You’ve done about all you can. Good bye.

Before hanging up Support tried to sell me more services. I simply disconnected. I sat for a few minutes pondering the problem and was convinced it was actually something quite simple that I had missed. All I needed was a rational person on the other end of the line to go through my steps and tell me.

Oh what the hell - let’s play tech support bingo and see if I get someone who actually has a clue. I called again. I was connected to a different person - thank the gods - who listened. I ran through everything I had just experienced and was pleased when he got very quiet and said the usb drivers won’t help. HALLELUJAH!

In less than 5 minutes he had the Internet up and running. 5 minutes - because he listened to what I said, followed all the steps I had taken and spotted something I had missed in the Vista setup. After resetting everything and testing it worked correctly I thanked him and hung up. If the first techie had listened to what I had said, the problem would have been cleared up sooner. But then again, a modicum of intelligence would have helped too.

My second tale of terror comes in the form of email support. I have another customer who is trying to use a piece of software they purchased. Problem is, it won’t recognise the login or password.

The software is pretty cool - it helps establish a network between two remote computers. Perfect for the customer when he is away from his primary computer and needs to access a file from his laptop. We tested the software before purchasing it. Once it was purchased, it simply stopped working. I kept getting the same error message about an incorrect login and/or password.

After consulting the company’s help files and following all the steps laid out, I decided to write the help line and ask for more information. Now please keep in mind my original message simply stated I could not login to the software because of a password rejection and I laid out the steps I had taken to resolve it.

The first answer I received was a link to the help file I had told them I used. I had already stated I followed that particular help file to no avail.

I wrote back:

Me: I have previously written about a connection problem - my Password/email address are being rejected. I have followed all the instructions on resetting my password/loging and have double checked my email address. Both are correct yet my password and/or email address are still being refused.
I have reset the password, as per your previous instructions, 3 times and have verified my email address is correctly spelt. Still nothing. I am now becoming very frustrated with the proceedure. NOTHING IS WORKING. I simply get “the email address or password you entered is incorrect.” How many times do I have to reset my password before I finally get access to the system.

Their answer:

To remotely connect to your target computer, go to ***.com.
Log into your account using your email address and *** password.
Click on “My Computers” on the navigation bar at the top of your browser window.
Under “Computer List”, click on the computer you wish to control remotely.

The *** remote session login box will appear. Enter either your
Windows username and password or your computer access code.

You will then see a number of panels. To take remote control of the
target computer, click “Go” under “Remote Control.”

I hope this helps. Please let us know if you have any further questions.

*** NO IT BLOODY WELL DID NOT HELP*****

My answer:

Thank you for your response to my question.

However… it does not address my problem.

My problem, as I have stated on 2 previous occasions now, is the
rejection of my Password and/or login name. I cannot log onto my account
to perform the instructions you sent me because *** states : Unknown
user or password and I can go no further. I will not be able to access
my remote computer because neither account wants to recognize I am a
legitimate user.

I cannot access my account because it will not allow me
to do so.
I have followed previous instructions on how to reset my
password and NOTHING. I’ve reset the password over 8 times now.
I have checked to ensure I am using the correct login name as
per previous instructions - no good. I am using the correct login name.
The software worked very well when I used your trial version.
Only since upgrading to the paid version have I experienced such severe
problems.

I have not been able to use the software and am paying a premium price
for nothing. I am not a happy person - the answers supplied do not
address the issue, and I have reached frustration level. Please
investigate why my password will not change. Should I reinstall the
software? Or will this cause further problems.

I sent that message on Friday - as you can tell, I had reached my breaking point for useless tech support for the week. Normally I’m a bit calmer, but I just couldn’t stand it any longer.

Here is their answer:

Are you trying to login to your account or a particular pc? The
username of your account is your email address. You may use the
forgot password link on the website to reset the account password.

If it’s the pc, please see below:

Once you are trying to access a computer remotely, you will need the
username and password that you use when Windows is starting up.

You can determine the username by doing the following:

While sitting at the computer with (software) installed, go to Start, then
Run and type exactly this:

control userpasswords2 (if you are using Windows 2000, type: control
userpasswords)

This will bring up user accounts where you will find a list of users.
The username you should enter on the blue screen will appear in
this list.

This is simply a reguritation of all the previous instructions. The point is I cannot even see the other computer and when I try to log in to the software the password is rejected. But I’ll try anything at this point. I’ll be back at the computer tomorrow to test the second half of the equation. Who knows, maybe there is a teeny tiny step I missed.

I am still mystified as to why the software stopped working once we entered the key that proved we had paid for the software. Nothing else was changed, so why the problems? If it doesn’t work tomorrow I’m stripping it out and demanding a refund. There is a lot of competition out there so we’ll try someone else.

I’ll keep you posted as usual.

… and pray for my sanity.

Stumble it!