Catpaw - diary of an angry cat

“My formula works on everyone as long as they’re consistent. I can shape anyone’s body into a teeny-tiny dancer type.”
…thus spake professional trainer to the stars Tracey Anderson.

I have one question for Ms Anderson - are you out of your mind? I really, really wanted to use the term teeny-tiny mind, but that’s just insulting, isn’t it. What are you thinking making such an irresponsible statement?

Why is this irresponsible?

Simple: not everyone can have a teeny-tiny dancer body. To even promote this thinking is one whacked out sense of reality. I suppose this is no different than the fashion industry that uses the airbrush and photo manipulation to make all their rake thin models so long limbed and necked. Any proper exercise routine and diet should take into account a healthy body image - which includes weight. There is something terribly wrong with thinking every woman should aspire to this particular body shape. She should have a more flexible attitude towards fitness.

Ms Anderson also claims that by following her diet, you can loose from 3 to 5 pounds a week. Whoa! Talk to any nutrition expert and they’ll immediately say 5 pounds? That’s bordering on dangerous for the average person. 1 to 2 pounds a week is recommended - it’s hard to lose weight, but then you didn’t gain it all at once, so why should you expect to shed it all at once. However Ms Anderson says she has developed this supernatural ability to help women attain this unrealistic goal after:

… testing 100 women for five years independently (because “the government isn’t going to fund seeing if you can get a Victoria’s Secret butt out of any woman!”).

Terribly scientific, don’t you know. 100 women! Whoo hooo! That’s a great sampling of the human population. So what body shapes did you choose? Did you sample a wide variety of women? Or is that too much to ask?

In case you don’t recognise the name, Tracey Anderson is the person partially responsible for Madonna’s over amped, over pumped body. Terribly attractive body eh? OH OH can I have one just like hers? Can I?

Oh wait, US magazine has published her diet - I think I’ll pass on the body and the diet. With diet she proposes falling well under the recommended 1300 calories per day (some food layouts are under 800 calories!) I think I’d rather gnaw my paws off rather than indulge in this insanity. Plus the stupid ass diet bans all spices.

NO SPICES? WHY BOTHER GETTING UP IN THE MORNING.

Hell, just crawl under the bed and eat the dust bunnies. It’d be as much fun. I have yet to see any study that proves spices promote weight gain. Now the basics of her diet aren’t bad - just far too limiting and far too boring. Here’s a typical day’s worth of food:

Breakfast
1 cup Kashi cereal, with ½ cup plain — or vanilla — nonfat rice milk
Lunch
3 oz fresh turkey breast with ¼ cup each of cucumbers, alfalfa sprouts and beets, plus 1 slice whole-grain bread
Snack
1 cup fresh strawberries
Dinner
3 to 5 oz grilled sea bass with ½ cup steamed fresh green beans

She has Kashi almost every day. Great cereal, but I bore easily and want variety. Well if you don’t want the Kashi, you can opt for what is offered on a different day - 1 cup of nonfat rice milk and 1 poached egg. Yum, yum, yum, I feel full.

There isn’t anything intrinsically wrong with the food, but it just isn’t enough, nor is it interesting enough to encourage me to stick with it. Add this to the punishing workout she proposes (“You should be dripping sweat and taking very few breaks”) and I can see myself going face first into the Hostess Ho Ho’s by the 5th day. I did a quick calculation of how many calories this particular day will supply you with and it comes to a whopping 750 - give or take 100, depending upon how you calculate. I was having a few problems figuring out how many calories you get in a 1/4 cup of cucs, sprouts and beets so I over compensated. If you want me exercising properly then you bloody well better fuel my body first.

750 measly calories on top of a punishing exercise routine? That isn’t enough to keep a gerbil happy. You bet you’ll be losing weight. Right up until the hospital hooks you up to their IV and starts to force you to eat properly. Bleck! This diet will encourage me to cheat and feel bad - both mentally and physically. Starvation is not appealing.

Ah, but she’s Hollywood approved, so I guess this is all right. I mean, where else are you going to look for a proper, healthy diet and exercise routine? Heaven forbid you should use common sense.

Stumble it!