Catpaw – diary of an angry cat

It has been a good week for sarcasm. As I said in my previous post – the gods of sarcasm have blessed me this week.

Guess why I’m happy now?

The headline should have tipped you off…

Queen Victoria’s bloomers have just been sold at an auction for the, ahem, princely sum of $9,000!

Yes her handmade 1890 knickers were in full view of the vulgar public.  Not only were her unmentionables given a very public airing, her waist size was revealed. The late Queen of rotundity had a whopping size 50 waist – none of this size zero nonsense for this pillar of modesty. Top that off with a 66 inch bust and … well … there you have it – the very model of Imperial womanhood. Holy Hanna she only topped out at about 5ft tall – she must have looked like a pocket battleship marching down the halls of Windsor Castle.

Somehow I don’t think she would be amused. Can’t you just hear her outrage? The woman who gave prurient, prudishness it’s very name having her delicates being waved about by the proletariats?

They were purchased by a collector here in Toronto. A collector of all things Queen Victoria, not a collector of antique undergarments – gutter mind! Shame on you for thinking anything but.

Wonder what she would have thought about her underwear heading off to the colonies to be owned by a man?

“We are not amused. No not amused, one bit”. One might be tempted to say, she’d get her knickers in a twist over the entire episode.

Hee hee… thank you oh great gods of sarcasm. You have brought me a bumper week of fun.

Seriously, I have a deadline to meet tomorrow, but right now.. I really don’t care. I’m pretending to work, which isn’t really that hard when you get a chance to work at home. I have some work to complete on a website. But I know I can get it done tomorrow, long before the deadline. I find myself just cruising the Internet looking for mental stimulation.

… and guess what I found??? AN HONEST TO GOODNESS SASQUATCH SIGHTING!

It’s like the gods’ of sarcasm are looking out for me today!

For those not brought up on North American legends, Sasquatch is kind of like a North American abominable snowman, only without the snow .. and without the abominable part. Well, maybe he is abominable, after all he is reported to smell something awful. Guess there are no showers in the great Canadian wilderness. Sasquatch (also called Big Foot) is said to roam the woodlands all over the continent, and every once in awhile someone claims to spot him (or her).  The latest sighting has occurred here in Ontario, North West Ontario to be exact at a place called Grassy Narrows. A couple of blueberry pickers spotted him (or her… I mean there must be his and her Sasquatches or there would be no baby Sasquatches). It has been a long, long time since the Big S has been seen. I suspect the endorsements just haven’t been good enough and he/she has been sitting out the Sasquatch season, sulking on a log somewhere. I mean, afterall, the Abominable Snowman has a primo spot in the upcoming movie The Mummy! But what does Sasquatch get? Not a damned thing, zippo, nadda… just some crummy, grainy shots of some jerk in a big hairy suit strolling along the forest pretending to be the big guy. Not much justice in the world – even all the cherry monster roles have been exported to China.

So I am sitting here wondering, among other things, just how fermented the blueberries were that the pickers were snacking on. I wonder if I could buy the berries?

Then again, wouldn’t it be cool if there really is a Sasquatch? Maybe not.. some jackass hunter would just take a high powered machine gun and hunt the poor bugger down and claim it was great sport. Or worse, be captured and put behind bars so we could poke and prod him/her and make life generally miserable. Human’s can be really quite nasty, come to think of it. Nah… I hope Sasquatch stays a myth. He’s safer that way. We can’t get our grubby little, murderous mitts on a myth.

Oh bugger, now I’ve depressed myself… pass the fermented blue berries.

As of this morning, Toronto set a record for the wettest city in Canada. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I’m so thrilled. According to Enviroment Canada, over a 2 month period, Toronto has set a record for the most rain, beating a 30 year old record.

On average, Toronto records 792.7 mm of precipitation each year. But with 623.6 mm as of yesterday afternoon, even with August predicted to be dryer than normal, we could eclipse the previous full-year record of 971.3 mm, which was set in 1977.

Toronto Star http://www.thestar.com/article/466411

Yes, we are soggy. We have had some lovely days, don’t get me wrong. I’ve enjoyed them. But the rain is getting to be a bit much. We are expected to get more rain today, tomorrow and on the weekend.

I’m building an Ark on the balcony. Anyone wants to reserve a seat, send your payment via Paypal.

In the meantime, I’m trading my tabby stripes in for some nice duck feathers and learning to paddle about in the water.

- Oh I feel so lazy lately… I look at my lovely little blog and say, I should gripe about this, I should moan about that and then I see the fresh fruits and veggies, the bbq, the sun (well not today, it’s coming down in buckets) and say “Screw it… let’s go loaf” and I do.

I’ve been wandering around the city enjoying myself and finding it hard to moan and complain. If this rain keeps up, I’ll be back to normal!

I wandered through the comments that arrived while I was so lazy and am chuffed! To the person who agreed about liking a specific movie is all relative – thank you! It was nice of you to say so.

To Frog – I am so happy to read your comments – all is well in catpaw land, except I’m having a hard time staying angry. Life is tough sometimes!

Roufa and Mimi? What can I say.. if you could see under my fur (no peeking please) you’d see I’m beet red from blushing so much. Thanks for the honour.  I’m just… well … chuffed… My secret mission to the North Pole is complete and the smackerals are all safe .. er .. okay .. I ate them all. But they were safe….

As new readers may discover, there is an underground network of blog writers. We tend to visit each other a lot and often leave what may appear to be cryptic messages to one another.  If you follow links and read the blogs of the other posters, all becomes clear.  The messages aren’t secret codes, just part of a long conversation that may span 2 or 3 different blogs and sometimes may take days to finish off.

I did receive one comment that could only be deemed hateful and mean spirited. It wasn’t aimed at me – it was aimed at the family who’s parents were murdered a few months back. If the poster returns, which I doubt: yes I removed your comment. While I normally leave comments I don’t agree with, and simply answer them in public, your message was racist, hateful and nasty. These were good Canadians. PERIOD. Simply because they had some hardships and their children are facing more financial hardships is no reason to call into doubt whether they were real Canadians. Your comment have no place on my blog.

Opps, guess I’m back to normal….