Question and answer period

Posted on | December 10, 2008 | 2 Comments

I wander around the web looking for interesting tidbits. A while back I landed on a site that does a pretty good job trying to answer people’s questions on just about every topic imaginable.

….

HOWEVER ….

Some questions just scream out for a smart ass answer. In an monumental effort to contain the urge to scatter inappropriate answers across the site, a couple friends and I swap these questions and our own spin on what the answers should be via email. I thought I’d share some with you today.

What did the British Navy call their Battleships prior to World War 1?
Big Floaty Things

Did Champlain explore for gold god or glory?
None of the above. Actually he got lost while looking for the exit to Paris and refused to ask for directions.

How long do you cook a 22lb turkey if you set oven at 400 F?
Oh about 10 hours ought to take care of that bad boy!

What year did king James first die?
He first died in 1066, then he came back for another kick at the can and died again 10 years later. They kept killing the bugger but he just keeps returning.

Who fought in the US and the Britian war?
This was a little know war between the two countries – fought entirely with mashmallows and candycorn. The major combatants were the Germans and the Hungarians.

With whom do mules mate?
Mules follow a strict mating protocol – they go to the local pub and cruise until they get lucky.

What are 4 ways Canada fell History?
Don’t get me started on how many times we’ve fallen out of the history books… feckin Hollywood retelling of history.

Where to find a call girl in karachi?
I’m sure the local police force would be happy to help you out with this one

Any call girl cell no?
Once again, your local police would be thrilled if you gave them a call and asked their advice on this one.

When was bg knocc out born?
Did his mother name him that? Seriously… who wants to go around known as the kid who can’t spell their own name. Whatever happened to Harold, or Ernest as a name…

Is there a way to tell a girl giraffe from a boy giraffe?
Same way you do with kittens, lift their little tails and take a peek

Can you buy a giraffe?
Only after you finish that roof extension

Can a human become a giraffe?
WTF????

What is defrost?
Da’s de stuff on de ground when it gets cold

Things about a snow leper?
Oh the horrors of snow leperousy! The poor snow lepers are all shipped off to warmer climates until de frost falls off and they are healed

Can a cat get a lion pregnant?
Yes, but it won’t be pretty to watch

Why do sheep run?
They don’t want to miss out on all the great Christmas wool sales

Is sleeping with socks on bad for your eyesight?
It depends entirely upon whether the socks are clean or very, very dirty.

How can i determine the sex of my goldfish?
same way you tell the sex of your pet giraffe, lift it’s little tail and take a peek

How do you preform a sea section on a hermit crab?
Oh the smart ass answers that are running through my brain right now!

In terms of politics if a us citizen becomes a zombie are they still eligible to vote?
Yes they are eligible to vote – the election of George W Bush twice in a row confirms this

What is spy hopping?
Sex games spies play

What island does calypso live on?
Actually Calypso doesn’t live on an island. She’s so afraid of the water she packed up and moved to the desert.

What is the cost to get your tongue pierced in jacksonville Florida?
Thath questhion would be ethier to anther if i hadn’t had my thongue perthed.

How do you change your spit color?
First off, it’s coloUr, not color. Learn to spell the Queen’s English. It’s also neighboUr, laboUr and favoUr while we are at it.
Second, spitting is disgusting. Anyone that spits should have their lips glued shut as punishment.

How can you look like rosalie cullen?
Plastic surgery

How poseidon became god of the sea?
He applied for it. The interview process was rigorous but he turned out to be the best candidate for the job

What is the human impact of the Pudding fish?
Well, humans have been hunting Pudding fish for centuries. Ever since they were first discovered in the wilds of Essex, they have been prized for their yummy flavour. In December they take on a rather lusturous coating of rum sauce, making them a highly prized catch for Christmas dinner.

What did explorers drink water out of?
The skins of Pudding fish

Wat will happen if u smoke weed?
You will loose your ability to spell

Do you Lala?
Yes. I also cha cha cha

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Category: Day in the Life, Gods of sarcasm, Humour, Illiterate, Politics, Silly Moments
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Comments

2 Responses to “Question and answer period”

  1. Roufa Tav Gosou & Mimi Lass
    December 17th, 2008 @ 11:14 am

    :-D DD

    Don’t you hAte de frost?

    Ooooh, soon de days will grow longer again. *sigh*

  2. The Zoo
    December 26th, 2008 @ 9:15 pm

    we hope yur Christmas wuz bery Merry.