Lurking for sanity

Posted on | December 23, 2009 | 2 Comments

Every so often I get a bit bored and need something to kick start my brain. When that happens I wander over to Wikianswers and look for really, really odd questions. Although there motto is there is no such thing as a stupid question, there is such a thing as monumentally silly ones and very badly written questions that can be misinterpreted. There is also another category, perfectly legitimate questions that simply hit my funny bone in a certain way. Here’s the latest crop and of course my smart ass responses that I would dearly love to leave:

How do you get a clownfish to mate?
First thing you have to do is send his big clown shoes out for a quick shine. Nothing turns off females than a sloppy looking mate. Get the little clownfish car tuned up too – a couple of ill timed backfires will certainly put the damper on any hanky panky in the back seat.

How long do you cook the chopped fins and tentacles with the garlic and onions for stuffed squid?
Wow, where did you find that squid? Fins? You might want to check your squid supplier to see you are really purchasing.

What type of habits do squids have?
They have lots of bad habits, like gambling on-line, leaving their socks lieing about and don’t get started on their habit of leaving all their shoes lieing about the floor. There are a lot of squid questions on line today.

What is it called when a woman have sex with a squids?
Just … weird… really, really weird. And creepy and … just what the hell were you thinking that led you to ask this question! See, I told you, a lot of squid questions. Do you think it’s the same squid obsessed individual or is there something strange in the water supply?

How do you crochet an octopus?
After the 3 previous questions on sea creatures, this one sent me into spasms.

How is sushi cooked?
You might want to look up the definition of sushi before you break out the skillet

To make the two triangles below similar what would the values of x and y have to be?
Cheating on your homework would be a lot more successful if you included the picture of the two triangles

Does justin baber got msn?
Do you got grammar?

How oz in 1 leter?
Sigh…

Is 3oh3 brothers?
Oh sigh again…

What does star wars empire at war map editor?
Once in a while I can’t help but think a coherent thought might be called for.

What do goldfish do before they die?
Put their estates in order.

Is it illegal to give your dog liposuction?
Stop being an idiot, feed your dog less and take it on more walkies.

Can a microwave be used to open a coconut?
Give the coconut one hard whack with the microwave and I’m sure it will crack open.

On december 10 i sent a check for 215 to be paid in full to my roman’s account please confirm you have received it
I just know there is a question lurking here somewhere.

Transformers how big is sideways?
Oh, about sooo big.

How runescape is educate for kids?
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Converse black kiss double tongue low top sneakers where can i find a store that carries sells them
Is that a shoe or a sex position?

Who will win in a fight bill gates or oprah?
Wouldn’t you love to see this? Will it be full contact?

Why did Aberham Lincon die and how?
(This is the answer posted, not mine)People in the South didn’t want slavery to end. John Withs Boths shot him he died the next morning.
I want to know did John Withs Boths die the next morning or did Aberham?

Should you get a sitar
(This is the answer posted, not mine) If you like Indian music, by all means you should get a sitar. If you like Scottish, go for the bagpipes instead.
Not a thing wrong with either the question or the answer. I posted it because I loved the lateral move from sitar to bagpipes.

When was the subway used?
I personally used it about 7 hours ago. But I’m pretty sure it’s being used right now.

You wonder how dogs have such good hearing. well dogs have such good hearing because they have something tiny in their ear?
I didn’t stop giggling for 5 minutes after reading this one.

Why was pa founded?
Cause ma wanted pa to go down to the cellar and git more moonshine. (Although I’m reasonably sure the person meant PA as in Pennsylvania)

How do you build a blanket fort?
(This answer was supplied and it is utterly brilliant!)
SUPPLIES: 2 OR 3 BLANKETS
CHAIRS, COUCH, OR TABLES
PILLOWS
OPTIONAL SUPPLIES:
SNACKS
PORTABLE DVD PLAYER
DVDS
FRIENDS
PORTBLE VIDEO GAMES ( such as a Nintendo DS or DSi)

I can think of all sorts of other things to put in a blanket fort like a nice down sleeping bag, favourite stuffed animals, flashlights. Oh the fun to be had in a blanket fort. We used to make forts out of our bunkbeds. We’d grab all our blankets and hang them down from the top bunk – it was perfect. The bunkbeds were everything from forts to submarines and caves. Hmmm… they also served as great parachute platforms. Only problem was pillow cases make really rotten parachutes as we discovered one cold winter day. It’s surprising my siblings and I made it out of childhood in hindsite. We also learned that just because you call something Superman’s cape doesn’t mean it will let you fly, umbrella’s don’t work like they do in Mary Poppins, never stick your tongue on a frozen metal pole, and flattened cardboard boxes make great staircase toboggans (Mom didn’t find out how her lovely cuckoo clock was broken until all of us were safely in our adulthood. Actually none of us fessed up until we were well into our 30′s).

Rats, now I wish I had bunkbeds again!

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Category: Humour, More Info Than I Need to Know, Silly Moments
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Comments

2 Responses to “Lurking for sanity”

  1. Owen Gray
    December 25th, 2009 @ 8:23 am

    As long as no one sees these questions as the beginning of wisdom, there is hope. On the other hand, they might be the beginning of humour. . . .

  2. catpaw
    December 25th, 2009 @ 12:52 pm

    Ah Owen! You must be an optimist!