Catpaw – diary of an angry cat

Trolling through WikiAnswers again and having a field day with the incoherence of both the questions and answers. I landed there by accident today (for a change) while looking for something else. This caught my eye:

What is the culture of Canada?
Intriqued, I clicked on the link. Here’s the answer: Canadian people mostly eat foods from other places around the world. They mostly eat British foods for their health in Canada.
Oookkkaayy… do you want to correct this or should we just move along and ignore the obvious problems with the answer?

Once I start, it’s like I’m infected with a weird virus. I can’t stop looking and sighing.

Who is the prime minister for Ontario?
The prime minister of Ontario since 2010 is Dalton McGuinty
(For non-Canadians, the term is Premier. Prime Minister is the head of the entire country. Provinces are led by Premiers. Dalton McGuinty was elected October 23, 2003)

What is cranberry capital Ontario canada?
The capitol of Ontario is Toronto.
Erp.. right answer, wrong question. Toronto is the capital of Ontario, but the only cranberries you’ll find are in the grocery stores and on the dinner table. For the record, the answer is Bala, Ontario.

Where did italy settled in Canada?
I read this question to my mum and she just whimpered “Oh god”. I’m hoping the person meant Where did Italians settle in Canada? But you never know.

Why are all Canadians Canadian?
I’m tempted to type in – Because we aren’t Mongolian?

What is the capital of Montreal?
Questions like this make me glad I don’t teach. Oh the answer was correct by the way: Montreal is a city in Quebec. It does not have a capital.

The answer to this question just makes me cry:
How did democracy come to canada?
Democracy came to canada by means of the Domino Theory. The Domino Theory is a theory implemented by Franklin D. Roosevelt which stated that if one country has a type of government, the neighboring countries will change to that government. The U.S had a republic type of government, and Canada watched as the U.S became the world’s superpower.
That has to be the most seriously f*cked up answer I’ve ever read. What makes me cry is the idea some kid cut and pasted this into their homework and believing Canada became a democracy only through US interference. Like I said, I’m glad I don’t teach. It must be crushing to be a teacher sometimes.

Here are a couple of questioners who need geography lessons:
Where does the Mississippi River begin in Canada before it enters the Gulf of Mexico?
What would cause a civil war between Canada and America?
Who has the longest border with the US mexico canada or alaska?
You know, I never knew Alaska was a country. Now that I’ve begun to think about it, Alaska doesn’t even border the US. That pesky country Canada gets in the way. Maybe that will cause the civil war.. no wait Canada and the US are not the same country. Damn there goes the civil war.

Does british columbia use cars?
Some smartass Canadian answered with this: No we use snowmobiles and atvs.

Do giraffes live?
What the answer should be? Nope.. strictly a figment of our imaginations.

This came from another q&a site:
Borde crossing headache?
Is there any other way to go the us beside crossing the borders, i hate the headache, it’s like they looking for Obama in your car, i hate air plan, train is wost, that’s why i drive but its an headache
Do you ever wonder what happened to punctuation? Spelling as well… and coherence … and well clear thinking?

What are some bad points about birds?
Ok make sure it has plenty of water and food. Check both everyday.
Always make sure the bird speaks clearly in bird language of course. (LOL)
If you dont want is flying clip its wings about every 3 to 4 months no often otherwise it will get misable.
Make sure the bird has a wood stick going from one end of the cage to the other.
Do you think we are missing something? Seriously, am I reading this correctly or did some wires get crossed with this question?

Why is a vampire like a sugar glider?
I had to look at this question twice before I figured out I wasn’t reading it quite the way the asker intended. I watch way too many cheesy monster movies and thought the person was comparing vampires to … well never mind. I’m embarrassed now. Let’s just say I’m going to lay off the Dracula movies for awhile.

I think I’ll stop now. I think I’ve given myself a bit of a headache.

As you already know, I like to troll places like Wiki Answers and Yahoo Answers for questions that baffle me. Some questions are so badly written or so weird, I feel like I’m watching a mental train wreck. This one is a bit of both:

Syphilis: Why has its popularity declined in recent years?
I know the writer meant “why has it declined in recent years” but it’s too late now. The visuals are burned into my brain. My pain is your pain.

I have been thinking a lot this month. No, no.. don’t scurry away! You have nothing to fear, I think. You see, I want a scooter. Not just any scooter, but a beautiful Vespa. Since the first time I saw one in a film in the 1980′s I’ve coveted the Vespa. Well, I’ve hatched a cunning plan to get one. I’m going to start my own religion and fleece receive donations from my flock. It’s brilliant, isn’t it? I’ll take donations via paypal and sock the money away until I have enough for my lovely, lovely Vespa.

I’ve been pondering what the new faith will be called. I’m thinking of Church of the Holy Vespa. Rather a nice ring to it, eh? With each donation you will get a photo of a Vespa, with a baddly scribbled drawing of a cat riding it. If you are the first 100 faithful, then I’ll bestow upon you the title of “Vespa Supplicant”, which allows you the privilege of purchasing your own robes, in tasteful red or green, and wander the land begging for more alms for the Holy Vespa. My scooter will be our holy grail of sorts.

What do you think? … hmmm wonder if i can tax exempt status for this.

Today, Common Sense and Personal Pride died. They both crawled away into a dark corner and died of embarrassment. Despite  fighting a long and difficult battle against people who never understood the concept of “too much information” and “bad sharing”, they were ambushed by a rear guard of “what do you mean this should be private information”. They fought a valiant battle, but were mortally wounded yesterday and never recovered.

It became obvious to both Sense and Pride that there was no longer any hope the world would improve. Their last whimpers  uttered were “but it isn’t something to brag about”. With those last words, they hugged each other and slipped from this world.

There will be no funeral services. A candle light vigil will be held in their honour this weekend. Common Sense and Personal Pride  were predeceased by their  children Fashion Sense, Modesty and Politeness.

Face book posting found the other day. Wonder if he was sitting in the doctor’s office when he posted it.

I stumbled across this tortured answer to a question about what the duties of a Medieval Nun were. Of course I had to share it with you. My agony is your agony. I added the paragraph breaks so it would be a bit easier to read. Everything else is exactly as the writer typed it:

As Monarchy was the dominant form of government in thos Feudal days, it is only right and proper that among other roles, Nuns functioned as both spiritual advisors and ladies -In Waiting to Queens and Princesses, among other noblewomen.

as recently as l926 In Italy and l952 in Portugal , Nuns, probably nurses, performed mortuary functions for Queen Margherita of Italy (In l926) and Former Queen Amelia of Portugal in l952.l

The Portugese ex-Queen died in Versailles, so missionary hoisital nuns had to be seconded from a Paris-area Convent. so they funcitoned inthe usual Nun roles as teachers and also nurses ( or equivalent) Undertakers for the females of the nobililty,and the usual churchly functions such as sacristan (supervisor of church housekeeping an specificaly that of religious articles)

This evolved into the interesting (Logistics Apostolate) of the St. Zita Convent in New York, responsible for Religious artifcles logistics of ocean-going ships. ( a big pipeline for ship re-supply ran under l4Th street, near their convent- a big coincidence. ) No, the Nuns did not run the Tanker-supply pumps, but did distribute religious articles to ships. COn Ed runs the pipeline.

Don’t you just love the right turn from Feudal days to nuns don’t run tanker supply pumps. No clue why the writer felt obliged to add the bit about Con-Ed but it adds a certain … oh .. I don’t know…  stream of consciousness feeling to the answer. I just hope some poor kid didn’t trot back to school with this clipped into their essay.

I now have this lovely image of nuns in penguin suits, leaning up against a tanker truck chewing gum and pumping gas. Wow, that’s an image that will burn your retinas out!

I harbour, deep in my little furry heart, this faint hope that by the time a student begins to read Shakespeare, they are capable of writing a fairly coherent sentence. This extends to being able to ask a question that is understandable. Clearly this ability eludes the person who wrote this:

Why was the last 2 lines of Romeo and Juliet Than this of Juliet and her Romeo when the women were seen as possessions at this time and in this play?

Yes, I’ve been lurking over at Wikianswers again and yes that is exactly how the question was written.

For the life of me, I can’t figure out what the person is asking? I shouldn’t make fun of the person, but the monumental illiteracy of the question just … frightens me. How will this person ever fill out a job application? It’s either laugh or break down and cry.