The Tweets from those who ardently believe the end of times is upon us would be high comedy, if it weren’t so damned tragic. These people believe they are going to heaven in a month. I think there are going to be a lot of pissed off folks on May 22nd. Then again, they’ll believe their snake oil preachers who say “oops sorry… we misread the scriptures” and reset the date. Many of us who will most definitely be waking up in our own beds on June 1 wonder if we should stock up on marshmallows when the fires of Hell rain down upon us. Nothing better than a good old fashioned marshmallow roast to keep up the spirits.

In the meantime….

I’d like to draw your attention to the nifty little Pay Pal donation window in the right hand column. If you are one of the “believers”, feel free to leave me all your worldly wealth with one quick little click of your mouse. All credit cards accepted. Cash is welcome. I’d be happy to spend your money when you leave for the afterlife. Just remember, no refunds in the event reality really does suck.

Here are a couple of examples copied exactly as they were left:

It?s exhausting to seek out knowledgeable individuals on this matter, however you sound like you realize what you?re talking about! Thanks

Sounds good, doesn’t it? Except when you realize the article I so exhaustively researched was titled “Silly, silly, silly” – a post about truly stupid things posted on WikiAnswers.

Thank you for another great article about Get your rabies shots – Catpaw is foaming at the mouth mad | Catpaw – diary of an angry cat. Where else can anyone get that kind of information in such a concise way of writing? I have a meeting next week, and I am on the look out for such information.

You are having a meeting about stupid people. Wow I want to work where you work!

Would you be keen on exchanging hyperlinks?

After I checked out the link back… the answer would be … no. Stop selling Valium and other black market products, learn to write and then get back to me.

I am very thankful to this topic because it really gives up to date information

You needed up-to-date info on how silly people are going to look when they start to sag and their nifty tattoos end up hanging down around their knees? Wow, dude, you need to get out more.

But my favourite comes from someone I’m not sure is a spammer. They’ve left messages repeatably without links or obvious ads. Maybe they are a spammer testing the waters and seeing if they can post more. Or … maybe the person is just .. how do I say this politely… word challenged.

I was wondering if you ever considered changing the layout of your blog? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or two images. Maybe you could space it out better?

I have “an awful lot of text”. If you are the anonymous writer who wants more pictures, less talk here you go, just for you.

Once again, spammers prove context is everything.

Very pensive piece of info. I not in a million years thot dat t’was this right bold after all. I had disgorge a good amount of my sooner looking because someone to illustrate dis subject-matter apparently

and this:

hold responsible you over the extent of a unreservedly intriguing skim, i am bright you transfer do a ensure up write-up considering i can conditions learn plenty on this crush matter

Anyone have a clue as to what they are trying to tell me? Anyone? I’m sure the spammer is trying to send me a super important message… for a product I absolutely cannot live without.. I mean, a person can never have too many penis extenders or black market vicodins right?

When I woke up this morning I lay there and mapped out this grand plan for the rest of my life.

1. Crawl out of bed and find my warm slippers
2. Fire up the computer and book a ticket to somewhere warm. Cuba would be nice, or Provence or Italy?
3. Shower and brush my teeth
4. Pack a bag
5. Get on plane.
6. Write world famous novel that makes me rich so I never have to work again

I made a major mistake somewhere around step 2. Instead of booking the ticket and looked at my wallet instead. Bugger Damn! So here I sit at my local Starbucks watching people wander by the window instead. Maybe if I close my eyes and wish r-e-a-l hard I’ll find myself in Provence. ***SQUEEZE EYES SHUT**** Nope, no good, still here at Starbucks. Reality really does stink sometimes.

I’ve been pondering what the new faith will be called. I’m thinking of Church of the Holy Vespa. Rather a nice ring to it, eh? With each donation you will get a photo of a Vespa, with a baddly scribbled drawing of a cat riding it. If you are the first 100 faithful, then I’ll bestow upon you the title of “Vespa Supplicant”, which allows you the privilege of purchasing your own robes, in tasteful red or green, and wander the land begging for more alms for the Holy Vespa. My scooter will be our holy grail of sorts.

What do you think? … hmmm wonder if i can tax exempt status for this.