Here’s winner (or is that whiner) number one:

Hi. I like your website but i can tell it probably isn’t getting much traffic? If you want to help imrpove that check this website out, he has a short video that i really suggest you watch. [insert shill address here] P.S this isn’t my website and i’m not spamming your blog, i don’t care if you delete this comment. I am only trying to help you improve your site.

Ummm yes you are spamming my blog. I have 5 separate entries for this product under 5 separate names. This is spam. Go away.

Although perplexing to feel, I contend in Seasoned MIni Golf tournaments here the rural area and was wondering what type of ball would act best on the unripened (min golf course lol). I feel to like balls with a deign compression (really weird shill ad here) even so after reading up on the plan of golf balls, I am not trustworthy that this is the spot on decision. What kind of balls (compression, three piece two portion etc.) would better widen my performance.

I have to admit, I didn’t see mini golf spam coming. But I do appreciate you admitting you “are not trustworthy”. Now go away.

I’m planning to visit Amsterdam, Netherlands next week. I would like to know whether the *** Hotel (located between Leidseplein and Vondelpark) or the *** Hotel (located between Central Station and Dam Square) would be more convenient given the winter weather.

and

Which hotel location is better for tourist to see the major attractions in the wintertime? Any other travel tips for exploring Amsterdam in December? Thank you.

I have no clue. Why don’t you consult the link you tried to leave all over my blog.

The author is really cool. But some of the commentators are just posting stupid words.

I’d take you seriously and be flattered, but since you link back to a Viagra site, I’ll take your compliment with a grain of salt so go away.

This is a message to the website owner. Please check out my friends website, he is offering a very good service that you may be intrested in. Does your website not get hardly any visitors or not rank for keywords with Google? Well he can help! He can provide you with tens of thousands of backlinks to your site! Take a quick look as im sure you will be intrested.

Wait…Didn’t you post this identical link under 3 different names already? I recognise the typos. Now here is a link for you. Try it, you might learn something.

Will the north star (polaris) always be the north star?

That was so utterly random.

Hello everyone
First of all sorry that I write in this topic but I have some technical problem with the use of this forum. When I’m trying to enter in the appropriate topic, I received a 404 error It’s about the only topic in which I was able to enter. Do you have the same problems? What’s going on?

No, the problem is your attempt at stealth spamming. You don’t create any topic, you simply comment. So stop trying to register, it won’t work and go away.

I just purchased a ***** (2.0 engine), and want to give it a tune up. I finally found a [spam ad inserted here] air filter; now it’s time for spark plugs. What are the best spark plugs for ***? I heard [Ohhh more spam ads here] aren’t the best. Why? Thank you

Why yes, this blog is all about cars….

I be suffering with a 1992 Infiniti M30 convertible with 46,000 miles on it. I am upsetting to interpret and explicate a vibration hornet’s nest I comprise that comes and goes. I experience it from as a vibration throughout the steering turn at diverse speeds, it feels more like a drain that is non compos mentis, scalped or with a miserable belt. Sometimes it is more intense than others, and off I don’t believe it at all, evaluation it has gone away, and then a few miles later it reappears. It is not fervent adequacy to do the machine unsafe or undriveable, it is honest annoying as hell. The car is in save condition and has trade-mark new radial tires that are in unmitigated balance. The buggy does not pluck pluck out leftist or uprightness right side on a unbending passage, (my bolding, not the spammers) so I don’t think it is a air limit alignment event; I am philosophy it could be base ball joints or some other cover aim problem, but don’t be aware for the treatment of sure. Thanks quest of any plagiarize you may offer.

I only included this one because of the divine madness of it. “The buggy does not pluck pluck out leftist or uprightness right side” will now be my new answer to anything posted that makes no sense.

Where else can I get some of the best stuff I’ve seen in a long time. I wanna see emo porn

Don’t know, don’t want to know.. go away

In this demonstration I will show you how simple it is to create a sql database, then a table and also use the insert statement to insert data into your table

Still waiting … next time please leave a link back so I can both see what you are referring to and ridicule you properly.

You need to take a lesson from my Canadian-born father and start rooting for the country of your citizenship: America. Few things are more annoying than someone who becomes a citizen on paper, but not with their heart.

This is just … well .. stupid. Stupid and arrogant. Stupid, arrogant and obnoxious. I put this into the spam section because it was posted on a non political entry. Oh wait.. I know.. we are supposed to blindly agree with our fearless leaders no matter what? My country right or wrong? Love it or leave it? Everyone is supposed to march to the same political tune? Don’t waste my time and go pluck pluck out leftist or uprightness right side.

That was cathartic. I wonder what wonders will be dropped in the comments section this month.

Here are a couple of examples copied exactly as they were left:

It?s exhausting to seek out knowledgeable individuals on this matter, however you sound like you realize what you?re talking about! Thanks

Sounds good, doesn’t it? Except when you realize the article I so exhaustively researched was titled “Silly, silly, silly” – a post about truly stupid things posted on WikiAnswers.

Thank you for another great article about Get your rabies shots – Catpaw is foaming at the mouth mad | Catpaw – diary of an angry cat. Where else can anyone get that kind of information in such a concise way of writing? I have a meeting next week, and I am on the look out for such information.

You are having a meeting about stupid people. Wow I want to work where you work!

Would you be keen on exchanging hyperlinks?

After I checked out the link back… the answer would be … no. Stop selling Valium and other black market products, learn to write and then get back to me.

I am very thankful to this topic because it really gives up to date information

You needed up-to-date info on how silly people are going to look when they start to sag and their nifty tattoos end up hanging down around their knees? Wow, dude, you need to get out more.

But my favourite comes from someone I’m not sure is a spammer. They’ve left messages repeatably without links or obvious ads. Maybe they are a spammer testing the waters and seeing if they can post more. Or … maybe the person is just .. how do I say this politely… word challenged.

I was wondering if you ever considered changing the layout of your blog? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or two images. Maybe you could space it out better?

I have “an awful lot of text”. If you are the anonymous writer who wants more pictures, less talk here you go, just for you.

Once again, spammers prove context is everything.

Wow! what an thought ! What a concept ! Lovely .. Amazing …

Context is always good, but thanks for the giggle anyway.

Would you go to any place called Pink Burger? Pink burgers? The name screams e coli! Pink Burger? They may have the best burgers in town, but the name is so off putting, I could never make myself eat one.

My main complaint with their website is being forced to listen to music – everytime I click a link the music starts up again. ENOUGH – when I shut it off, I don’t want to listen to the music. Forcing me to scramble for the pause button everytime I move around the site is not an example of stellar web design. This also tells me the volume level in the restaurant is going to be set at irritating.

They are selling “Pink Culture” – “Pink Burger’s “Sex and the City” philosophy fuses fresh colors, chic black and white art and scrumptious food to create a dazzling dining experience”. They tried to “fuse” sexuality into each menu item but fall flat. Want some examples?

More than just a piece of meat
Barbie likes the Dill
French Kiss (adults call it poutine by the way)
Don’t call me baby
Pocket full of sunshine?

No way in hell would I order one French Kiss and a Don’t call me baby and by the way I’d like to get naked in a bowl. I have a bit more pride than that. Just how old are the owners? I don’t trust any place that thinks nutella, whipped cream and peanut butter makes a good savoury pizza topping. Come to that, no place that calls itself trendy should sell cheez whiz on a pizza, call it Unfaithful and charge ten bucks for it.

Then again, they put the restaurant “concept” before the menu on their website. Kind of tells you what their priorities are.

Holy Crap, it looks like a porta-potty on speed. You could blow a hip using the Hawaii Chair! My god think of the office disasters if a person were holding a hot cup of coffee – Wheee, Splat, SON OF A *****! The speed that thing is turning is frightening. No way in hell you could concentrate on your work using it, you’d be too afraid of loosing your grip and being spun into next week.

If you want to waste $300, just send it to me and I’ll put it to better use. Promise, not a bit of the money will go towards catnip. Lattes, beer, junk food, stamps for my collection, slush fund for world domination .. but not a bit wasted on nip.

“This website article shows how well you comprehend and know this subject.”
What subject? You mean the article I wrote about general stupidity? Well that’s where you left your comment. I’m not sure if he was saying I’m an expert in stupidity or I’m stupid. Double edged sword! Oh Gods of Irony, thank you for serving that one up on a platter.

But the spammer who is near and dear to my heart is the one who turbo spams his idea about making a fortune by spamming mobile phones:

“Hey all, i want to share with you a brand new method to making money online that is HUGE and very easy to make money. It’s [insert most recent con job here]. There are more than 5 billion mobile phones in the world and just over 1.8 billion people use the internet [cool, an endless supply of humans to really annoy]. This website give you great details information on how you can get into [pissing off your potential customers, and while I'm ranting, is it so difficult to construct a coherent sentence?] and get a slice of your share. I personally made just over $1100 with this system just YESTERDAY! and on average make $500-$1200 per day [heh heh heh yea.. right]. It’s very easy and anyone can do it [well this is obvious, any monkey with a keyboard can spam]. Take a quick look at their video for more info, some really good stuff guys.”

I have a one word response to this: bullshit. Or is that two words bull shit… no no.. it’s definitely one word – bullshit. Yes, you to can turn a budding business into a pariah in a couple easy lessons. Send me $2 via Paypal and I’ll send you instructions on how to do this. Also note, it’s generally a good idea to have a fairly decent looking website and one that doesn’t vanish and pop up on a new server every week. It must be hard wearing out your welcome so quickly and getting the boot from your server.

I’m very disappointed though. So far Mr Crabby Pants Spammer, who left me the snotty message about 2 weeks ago, hasn’t been back. Do you think I hurt his feelings? I can but hope.