Catpaw – diary of an angry cat

The Royal Bank of Canada was targeted by a shadowy group called Direct Action in Ottawa. One of the RBC banks was firebombed the other day by this group as part of their protest against RBC and greater corporate Kanada. Like most groups that commit stupid crimes that endanger the innocent, they posted their manifesto shortly after the attack. Here is a snippet:

“Royal Bank Canada is one of the planet’s greenest companies” according to one of its own brochures. Coporate Kanada saw fit to include RBC as one of the top 50 in a competition dubbed Canada’s Greenest Employers, which purports to recognize organizations that have created “a culture of environmental awareness.” Yet RBC is now the major financier of Alberta’s tar sands, one of the largest industrial projects in human history and perhaps the most destructive. The tar sands, now the cause of the second fastest rate of deforestation on the planet, are slated to expand several times its current size.

Dudes! I’d take your manifesto a wee bit more seriously if you hadn’t been caught on camera driving away in an SUV! Come one. If you are going to attack “Corporate Kanada” for it’s anti environmental activities, the least you could do is drive up to the site you are going to firebomb in a Smart Car. Seriously – an SUV? I hope it was at least a hybrid. Maybe you can contact the makers of Smart Cars and get them to sponsor you. Or better yet, ride up on a bicycle.  Now that’s environmentally conscientious!

What makes me think these nobs don’t see the irony of  using an SUV to strike in the name of environmentalism.

Oh these people are gonna get coal for Christmas. Well.. maybe … Then again this level of paranoia means Santa won’t survive long enough to put it in their stocking.  Here’s a filing for the paranoid-beyond-all-rationality bin. You can purchase a product called “The Back-Up”. Here’s a tidbit off their website:

The Back-Up, a racking system for any legal size shotgun, keeps the firearm fixed securely to the side of the owner’s bed facilitating easy access for protection against home invasion….The truth is, with The Back-Up shotgun racking system, homeowners are able to access their firearms in just a few seconds – even while in bed. Fitting easily between the mattress and box springs, The Back-Up cannot be felt while sleeping and can remain concealed by bedding.

Just what I want for Christmas, a rack for my shotgun so it’s always handy… just perfect for shooting my foot off in the middle of the night. Or worse, the cat or dog… I wonder how many spouses are maimed because some trigger happy goofball mistook the wife/husband going to the bathroom for a burglar. I don’t know about you, but if I wake up in the middle of the night, I’m not qualified to find my way to the bathroom let alone wield a loaded weapon. I can just smell disaster with this Christmas present.

One of the big selling points for The Back-Up is the fact you can use your shotgun because it is sooo much better at hitting something than an itty bitty handgun. After all with a handgun you have to make a pretense of aiming – a shotgun can spread carnage over such a larger area.

Hmmm it’s corrosion resistant… just how much rain do you get in the average bedroom?

Did you know Somalia had a Minister for Tourism? I almost fell out of my chair in disbelief this morning when I read that. Can you think of a tougher job? Who would want to visit? With each tourist visa do they issue a flak jacket and your own personal bomb disposal unit? Is one of the tourist highlights the public stoning of some poor woman who contravened one of Al Shabab’s archaic and barbaric laws? Or better yet, can we play pirates for a day? I’d personally love to attack a French warship … oh wait, that was already tried and it really didn’t go over well.

With the hardline extremist group Al Shabab gaining so much control of Somalia, I think I’ll leave this country off my “must see list”

The home of the English language is in dire need of a lesson on how to use it. Well, to be honest, the Police Chiefs (Association of Chief Police Officers (ACPO) need a remedial course on how to write coherently. Read this from their response to a proposed reform initiative:

The promise of reform which the Green Paper heralds holds much for the public and Service alike; local policing, customised to local need with authentic answerability, strengthened accountabilities at force level through reforms to police authorities and HMIC, performance management at the service of localities with targets and plans tailored to local needs, the end of centrally-engineered one size fits all initiatives, an intelligent approach to cutting red tape through redesign of processes and cultures, a renewed emphasis on strategic development so as to better equip our service to meet the amorphous challenges of managing cross force harms, risks and opportunities.

If you read the sentence – and it is indeed ONE sentence – you kind of get the general idea of what they are saying… kind of. Maybe…

I think the ACPO have gotten all hot ‘n bothered about possible reform of the the current red tape heavy policing system. I think… But I’m still pondering “amorphous challenges of managing cross force harms, risks and opportunities”. Do you think they mean “develop flexible strategies to deal with the complexities of modern policing”?

My head hurts now. I have a literacy headache. Or is that a mangled grammar migraine? I’m going to go and have a coffee… and not think about that sentence any longer.

Another UK MP bit the dust today. Labour MP David Chaytor was suspended for submitting claims for a phantom mortgage. Sounds familiar? You are right, Labour MP Elliot Morely was suspended for the same accounting errors. Chaytor has been received nearly £13,000 for a mortgage paid off in 2004. He issued this statement:

In respect of mortgage interest payments, there has been an unforgivable error in my accounting procedures for which I apologise unreservedly. I will act immediately to ensure repayment is made to the Fees Office.

The same old story. So sorry – didn’t mean to do it (now that I’ve been caught, that is) I’ll pay it back. No harm, no foul, let’s get back to business now. Just how much money do these people have that they are not even aware of the fact they’ve already paid off their mortgages?

UK Conservative MP Douglas Hogg announced today he will pay back the money he billed the public to have his moat cleaned. Something about this just tickles my funny bone. Imagine the audacity to hand in a chit to be  reimbursed for a moat cleaning. How was it written up? “M’Lord, herein are the details on clearing the estate moat. The damned peasants were uppity and I actually had to pay the little blighters for the work. I swear, governing the unwashed masses just isn’t what it used to be!”

Mr Hogg said, “I believe that my claims fell clearly within the scope of the rules”. But he also went on to say the moat wasn’t claimed for but hadn’t been “positively excluded” from the invoices he submitted. Ohhhh… I admire a well turned phrase. Let’s role that around in our mouths for a bit “Positively excluded“. Mmmm! It sounds like negative billing – if we don’t tell you about it then you have to pay.

Nice try ducks! But it didn’t work. It is nice to see so many MPs cueing up to repay their expenses today. It’s a crying shame that it took such a massive scandal to make it happen. Many are now vowing not to make any claims on behalf of the 2nd home allowance – the primary reason for so much of the abuse.

I do wish they would stop chirping “I believe that my claims fell clearly within the scope of the rules”. Almost everyone of the MPs who have been shamed publicly are parroting this line.