What is the culture of Canada?
Intriqued, I clicked on the link. Here’s the answer: Canadian people mostly eat foods from other places around the world. They mostly eat British foods for their health in Canada.
Oookkkaayy… do you want to correct this or should we just move along and ignore the obvious problems with the answer?

Once I start, it’s like I’m infected with a weird virus. I can’t stop looking and sighing.

Who is the prime minister for Ontario?
The prime minister of Ontario since 2010 is Dalton McGuinty
(For non-Canadians, the term is Premier. Prime Minister is the head of the entire country. Provinces are led by Premiers. Dalton McGuinty was elected October 23, 2003)

What is cranberry capital Ontario canada?
The capitol of Ontario is Toronto.
Erp.. right answer, wrong question. Toronto is the capital of Ontario, but the only cranberries you’ll find are in the grocery stores and on the dinner table. For the record, the answer is Bala, Ontario.

Where did italy settled in Canada?
I read this question to my mum and she just whimpered “Oh god”. I’m hoping the person meant Where did Italians settle in Canada? But you never know.

Why are all Canadians Canadian?
I’m tempted to type in – Because we aren’t Mongolian?

What is the capital of Montreal?
Questions like this make me glad I don’t teach. Oh the answer was correct by the way: Montreal is a city in Quebec. It does not have a capital.

The answer to this question just makes me cry:
How did democracy come to canada?
Democracy came to canada by means of the Domino Theory. The Domino Theory is a theory implemented by Franklin D. Roosevelt which stated that if one country has a type of government, the neighboring countries will change to that government. The U.S had a republic type of government, and Canada watched as the U.S became the world’s superpower.
That has to be the most seriously f*cked up answer I’ve ever read. What makes me cry is the idea some kid cut and pasted this into their homework and believing Canada became a democracy only through US interference. Like I said, I’m glad I don’t teach. It must be crushing to be a teacher sometimes.

Here are a couple of questioners who need geography lessons:
Where does the Mississippi River begin in Canada before it enters the Gulf of Mexico?
What would cause a civil war between Canada and America?
Who has the longest border with the US mexico canada or alaska?
You know, I never knew Alaska was a country. Now that I’ve begun to think about it, Alaska doesn’t even border the US. That pesky country Canada gets in the way. Maybe that will cause the civil war.. no wait Canada and the US are not the same country. Damn there goes the civil war.

Does british columbia use cars?
Some smartass Canadian answered with this: No we use snowmobiles and atvs.

Do giraffes live?
What the answer should be? Nope.. strictly a figment of our imaginations.

This came from another q&a site:
Borde crossing headache?
Is there any other way to go the us beside crossing the borders, i hate the headache, it’s like they looking for Obama in your car, i hate air plan, train is wost, that’s why i drive but its an headache
Do you ever wonder what happened to punctuation? Spelling as well… and coherence … and well clear thinking?

What are some bad points about birds?
Ok make sure it has plenty of water and food. Check both everyday.
Always make sure the bird speaks clearly in bird language of course. (LOL)
If you dont want is flying clip its wings about every 3 to 4 months no often otherwise it will get misable.
Make sure the bird has a wood stick going from one end of the cage to the other.
Do you think we are missing something? Seriously, am I reading this correctly or did some wires get crossed with this question?

Why is a vampire like a sugar glider?
I had to look at this question twice before I figured out I wasn’t reading it quite the way the asker intended. I watch way too many cheesy monster movies and thought the person was comparing vampires to … well never mind. I’m embarrassed now. Let’s just say I’m going to lay off the Dracula movies for awhile.

I think I’ll stop now. I think I’ve given myself a bit of a headache.

“a friend of mine Swarovski Crystaled my precious lady and it shined like a disco ball.”

First off, Swarovski should smack her with a lawsuit for degrading the product.

Second, this cannot be healthy or safe.

Third, “my precious lady”? Oh give me strength. How old is this person? 9? No self respecting woman names her anatomy such cutsy pie name and expects to be taken seriously. What does she call her breasts? Heathcliff and Catherine? Sid and Nancy? Do tell Ms Love-Hewitt. “My precious lady?” oh for pete’s sake.

Fourth, “like a disco ball”? What? She pulls out a flash light, drops her drawers and shines it on herself? God my eyes, I’ve just burnt my retinas with the imagery. Oh the pain… hurts…

Ms. Love-Hewitt, for future references, this can be called “Bad sharing”. Please make a note of it.

How do you get a clownfish to mate?
First thing you have to do is send his big clown shoes out for a quick shine. Nothing turns off females than a sloppy looking mate. Get the little clownfish car tuned up too – a couple of ill timed backfires will certainly put the damper on any hanky panky in the back seat.

How long do you cook the chopped fins and tentacles with the garlic and onions for stuffed squid?
Wow, where did you find that squid? Fins? You might want to check your squid supplier to see you are really purchasing.

What type of habits do squids have?
They have lots of bad habits, like gambling on-line, leaving their socks lieing about and don’t get started on their habit of leaving all their shoes lieing about the floor. There are a lot of squid questions on line today.

What is it called when a woman have sex with a squids?
Just … weird… really, really weird. And creepy and … just what the hell were you thinking that led you to ask this question! See, I told you, a lot of squid questions. Do you think it’s the same squid obsessed individual or is there something strange in the water supply?

How do you crochet an octopus?
After the 3 previous questions on sea creatures, this one sent me into spasms.

How is sushi cooked?
You might want to look up the definition of sushi before you break out the skillet

To make the two triangles below similar what would the values of x and y have to be?
Cheating on your homework would be a lot more successful if you included the picture of the two triangles

Does justin baber got msn?
Do you got grammar?

How oz in 1 leter?
Sigh…

Is 3oh3 brothers?
Oh sigh again…

What does star wars empire at war map editor?
Once in a while I can’t help but think a coherent thought might be called for.

What do goldfish do before they die?
Put their estates in order.

Is it illegal to give your dog liposuction?
Stop being an idiot, feed your dog less and take it on more walkies.

Can a microwave be used to open a coconut?
Give the coconut one hard whack with the microwave and I’m sure it will crack open.

On december 10 i sent a check for 215 to be paid in full to my roman’s account please confirm you have received it
I just know there is a question lurking here somewhere.

Transformers how big is sideways?
Oh, about sooo big.

How runescape is educate for kids?
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Converse black kiss double tongue low top sneakers where can i find a store that carries sells them
Is that a shoe or a sex position?

Who will win in a fight bill gates or oprah?
Wouldn’t you love to see this? Will it be full contact?

Why did Aberham Lincon die and how?
(This is the answer posted, not mine)People in the South didn’t want slavery to end. John Withs Boths shot him he died the next morning.
I want to know did John Withs Boths die the next morning or did Aberham?

Should you get a sitar
(This is the answer posted, not mine) If you like Indian music, by all means you should get a sitar. If you like Scottish, go for the bagpipes instead.
Not a thing wrong with either the question or the answer. I posted it because I loved the lateral move from sitar to bagpipes.

When was the subway used?
I personally used it about 7 hours ago. But I’m pretty sure it’s being used right now.

You wonder how dogs have such good hearing. well dogs have such good hearing because they have something tiny in their ear?
I didn’t stop giggling for 5 minutes after reading this one.

Why was pa founded?
Cause ma wanted pa to go down to the cellar and git more moonshine. (Although I’m reasonably sure the person meant PA as in Pennsylvania)

How do you build a blanket fort?
(This answer was supplied and it is utterly brilliant!)
SUPPLIES: 2 OR 3 BLANKETS
CHAIRS, COUCH, OR TABLES
PILLOWS
OPTIONAL SUPPLIES:
SNACKS
PORTABLE DVD PLAYER
DVDS
FRIENDS
PORTBLE VIDEO GAMES ( such as a Nintendo DS or DSi)

I can think of all sorts of other things to put in a blanket fort like a nice down sleeping bag, favourite stuffed animals, flashlights. Oh the fun to be had in a blanket fort. We used to make forts out of our bunkbeds. We’d grab all our blankets and hang them down from the top bunk – it was perfect. The bunkbeds were everything from forts to submarines and caves. Hmmm… they also served as great parachute platforms. Only problem was pillow cases make really rotten parachutes as we discovered one cold winter day. It’s surprising my siblings and I made it out of childhood in hindsite. We also learned that just because you call something Superman’s cape doesn’t mean it will let you fly, umbrella’s don’t work like they do in Mary Poppins, never stick your tongue on a frozen metal pole, and flattened cardboard boxes make great staircase toboggans (Mom didn’t find out how her lovely cuckoo clock was broken until all of us were safely in our adulthood. Actually none of us fessed up until we were well into our 30′s).

Rats, now I wish I had bunkbeds again!

Wish I could take credit for finding this incredible advertising disaster, but I can’t. When I saw it I just had to see the original site. It’s from WFashion magazine’s article called From Here to Eternity. You have to cruise on over, but put your coffee cup down first or you’ll spill the coffee all over your keyboard when you start to laugh. The page reads:

Black, bows and Brigitte Bardot looks: Tailored suits and dresses with more than a soupcon of the early Sixties take on a certain raciness in the incongruous environment of a windswept beach.

Umm…no .. this is less Brigitte Bardot and more angry vampire girl. Do you think they mistook sulky for sultry?

What is with the eye makeup? Kind of Goth gone waterbaby look going there folks.

The dress is “cotton lace with horsehair and silk chiffon”. He he… they should give it back to the horse.

But the crowning touch is the over-photoshopping done to her hands. Take a close look at her fingers. Nothing human has fingers like that. What rational was used to elongate and flatten her fingers like that? What were they smoking?

No, actually, it’s the plus sized bow that completes this collage of silliness. It sets off the exaggerated eye liner and angry sneer! Hmmm… did Brigitte Bardot sneer?

I want to live long enough to watch all the people with tattoos grow old. Ever wonder what some of these tattoos will look like on senior citizens? I’m going to laugh myself to death as the tattoos fade and wrinkle.

“Grandma? Why do you have a tattoo that says F*ck Authority?”
“Grandpa? What is that strange splotching all over your skin?”

Oh and the piercings are going to be a bonus! Can’t wait to see some those start to sag! I can’t help but think all those holes may not heal over completely – especially the one’s in (eww, ick!) the eyebrow.

I’m gonna have fun when I’m a senior – I’m going to laugh myself to death.

Here are my favourites:

To Canada:

• Used or secondhand hives or bee supplies. – Damned, guess I can’t send those used bee hives. How the hell do you pack a bee hive? Are there special cone shaped boxes just for them?
• Perishable infectious biological substances – oh how tragic it is that this even needs to be said, let alone put down on paper.
• Reproductions of Canadian postage stamps unless printed in publications in black and white only and with a defacing line drawn across each reproduction. – Holy Cats! I never knew this one! This means the new stamp catalogues that are now in full colour are illegal?! I collect stamps and never realised, when I ordered the catalogue from that dealer in the states, I was asking him to break the law. Geez! Loosen up!
• Oleomargarine and other butter substitutes, including altered or renovated butter – renovated butter? I don’t even want to know what that is. Renovated butter.. its fun just to say it. Still don’t know what it is, but it sure sounds like something Monty Python would think up. “We’ve just renovated our butter suite so you have somewhere to eat all that spam with your dead parrot.”
• Prison-made goods being sold or intended for sale by a person or firm – yup a big demand for that here in the frozen north. And why prohibit them.
• Commercial tags of metal – could someone explain this one to me? Can I have them made of renovated butter instead? Let me look, nope, renovated butter isn’t allowed either.
• Banknotes valued at $100 or more must be put up in a compact package and securely tied with strong twine before wrapping. The wrapper must be linen or other strong, woven material, linen lined paper, or two thicknesses of strong kraft paper. After wrapping, the package must be again securely tied or stitched and sealed at the points of closing – I love the part about the strong twine. I guess twist ties are out. Does it have to be strong? How about weak twine?

To Cape Verde and many other countries:

• You can’t send Radioactive materials – well that should be obvious to everyone. Obviously if you are up to nefarious deeds (I’ve been looking for a reason to use the word nefarious) this embargo would put a crimp in your day.

To Chad:

• plums not bearing in large type the mark of origin or contained in tins weighing more than 1 kg. – what do they have against little plums? Why single out plums?

To China:

• Used clothing and bedding – Fussy aren’t they.

To Comoros:

• Newspapers, publications, and works that may jeopardize the Moslem religion or security of the state. – the typo is from the USPS postal site! And this prohibition can be interpreted to cover everything from current news to winnie the poo shows.
• Weapons and ammunitions of war – we really are a scary species.

Costa Rica:

• Blank Invoices – ????
• Dual-graduation feeding bottles – again with the multiple question marks ????

Ivory Coast:

• Daggers, sword-canes, brass knuckles, blackjacks, and other secret weapons; firing caps; and loaded metal cartridges – Oh shucks there goes my side business in importing robbery weapons. Blackjacks and brass knuckles were so high on my list of exportable items.
• Weights and measures not of the decimal system – non decimal weights are so bad they have to prohibit them being mailed? Can I UPS them instead?

Cyprus:

• Postcards of private manufacture having illustrated designs not previously approved by the Cyprus Post Office – this was obviously written before the advent of home printers that can create postcards of Fluffy and Fido. I make my own post cards, guess I won’t be sending them to Cyprus. Why or why prohibit this? Are they such a threat?
• Leeches and silkworms – dunno, something about this makes me giggle. What a disaster it would be to send leeches in a puff pack and have a heavy handed postal worker squish it.

Denmark:

• Human remains – ohhh ick ohhh
• Dried or powdered milk, and food mixtures containing it – Well I don’t like powered milk either.

Ecuador:

• All maps showing the territory of Ecuador with incorrect boundaries – a bit touchy. Wonder what the history behind that is. I’ll have to look that up.
• So-called “Panama” and “Mocora” hats and the straw used for making them – I am sure there is a perfectly logical reason for this, other than the officials in Ecuador have very fine taste!
• Preparations for erasing ink and handwriting – shucks there goes my budding spy network
• Leather shoes in general; cloth and rubber shoes – just admit it, shoes in generally are forbidden.
• Uncanceled postage stamps in ordinary mail – even to stamp collectors? I sent some mint stamps to Ecuador before, uncanceled, does this mean I’ve broken an international law?
• Unrefined salt – only unrefined?

France:

• Funeral urns – filled or empty? They don’t specify. Now I’m curious.

Republic of Georgia:

• Parasites, along with leeches and silkworms oh and bees – what’s with this? Have so many people tried to send squishy creatures through the mail it became a problem?
• Tear gas, nerve gas, and weapons for their use – sigh.. again… just sigh…

Germany:

• Pulverized coca beans – Just lightly smack them up a bit, just so they aren’t pulverized it will be okay

Great Britain and Northern Ireland

• Goods made in foreign prisons, except those imported for a non-commercial purpose or of a kind not manufactured in the UK. – again with the prisons! What is this discrimination?
• Horror comics and matrices – what’s a matrice and why are the Brits afraid of them? And just why are matrices combined with horror comics. What is the connection? Is this some sort of international conspiracy the US Homeland Security folks should investigate?

Greece:

• Aluminum foil for tobacco manufacturing – now that is specific

Guatemala

• Gardenia plants and seeds – I’m sure this has to do with importation of plant matter but to single out a particular plant means they must have had a whole lot of trouble with roving bands of gardenias.
• Police whistles – all other whistles are okay, just no police whistles
• Powder of all kinds – no baby powder for you! Hey!This must include powered milk too.

The list goes on and on. I must admit, I’m having more fun than any person should have with such a list of paperwork. I could go on for pages but I’ll spare you. Go find your own fun.

Thanks Banana for the tip.