Catpaw – diary of an angry cat

What to have a giggle? Find an episode of Lawrence Welk on TV, turn the sound off and watch the fun. We have a great time Saturday nights while waiting for the British comedies to come on. I never realised ole Lawrence was colour blind… that’s the only explanation possible for the incredible colour combination – leisure suits and crinoline in purples and oranges, greens and red oh the horror, the horror. It’s a designer’s nightmare…oh lordie they are in a salmony orange suits against yellow curtains and a purple wall. As I said “MY EYES”..owow that stirs up the migraines. Good God the guest conductor is in a brick red suit. Ouc…thunk…I think I passed out because of sensory overload.

When you turn the sound off you begin to see how, er, how will I put this without sounding cruel? Oh WTF, it’s impossible, how truly ungraceful and uncoordinated some of the dancers were. The Lawrence Welk Show – masters of mediocrity.

And just when you think it can’t get any worse… get a load of this lovely video clip from 1971 featuring 2 of Welk’s performers singing One Toke Over the Line. You read that right… It’s worth hanging in to the very end to hear Lawrence say “And there you heard a modern spiritual by Gale and Dale”. It was spiritual to some folks Lawrence, but not the kind you were thinking of.

Don’t you wish you could have seen Lawrence’s face when someone whispered in his shell like ear that the men who wrote the tune had just been condemned by then Vice President Spiro Agnew, as a subversive threat to American youth. And don’t you wish you were a fly on the wall when someone got the courage up to tell him what the song really meant? “What do you mean it’s not a gospel song? It has the words Sweet Jesus and Mary in it… it has to be a gospel song”.

Do you think someone was looking for a new job after this?

I don’t normally follow shows like Got Talent or Idol. I personally find them tedious. But I caught the YouTube clip of the England’s Got Talent featuring Susan Boyle, the 47 year old contestant who knocked everyone’s socks off.

I love the clip. For a change we were treated to a normal person – not a skinny, bland no talent. This woman looks real – warts and all. She has stage presence, was amusing and I’ll be damned if she wasn’t channelling Ethel Merman! It was refreshing to see the smarmy, smug looks on everyone’s faces drop off after Susan began to sing. Simon Cowell let out a visible sigh of appreciation and a blissful smile enveloped his face. Now that’s appreciation. I almost didn’t watch the clip because I was worried this was going to be another example of “let’s humiliate someone”. All to often, this is what occurs – not an emaciated, bland Hollywood clone? Well then you don’t have the right to dream of success!

Best part? The site of the entire audience on their feet cheering this normal, slightly eccentric woman. I mean the entire audience was on it’s feet through the whole song cheering her on. Can life get better than this?

Good to know there is still room in this world for real talent and real people.

I’m sitting in my favourite cafe at the moment letting my mind meander wherever it pleases. I went out and bought some earplugs because I just can’t handle the noise any longer. I find myself becoming tense and agitated – the opposite reaction I wish for when I go for a cappuccino. I haven’t resigned myself to the noise, not by a long shot. I am going to save and by a decibel meter and start carting it about. I’ve already worked up a sheet of paper with “how loud is your place” details on it. I have pictures of little jet planes, large farm tractors, whispering trees etc. to illustrate how loud the noise is in any given place. I have come to the realisation we are raising a generation of deaf people and I don’t want to join them.

Yes I am being cranky about the entire issue. But look at it from this point of view – why should I be subjected to your taste in music. Today, thankfully, no rap is playing. Don’t start b*#tching and complaining about my narrow view – I don’t like rap. It’s not to my tastes. I find it noxious and increases my sense of anxiety. All that bass pounding at me puts me into a very aggressive mood. I have the right to dislike a particular style of music without being verbally taken to task for it. I don’t expect you to listen to Mozart or Joan Baez, so don’t expect me to listen to 50cents.

I feel like I’m in my own little world here, with my earplugs in. I can hear everything that is going on around me, its just muted. Unfortunately, there is way too much bass and I can still feel it in my chest. Can sound waves cause a stroke in cranky cats? I’ve been eavesdropping on a family of whinney, cranky annoying kids – parents are crass and spoilt, children are moaning and complaining. Geez why do parents indulge unacceptable public behaviour. Oh wait! I know! Because they are behaving the same way. I stick to my original statement today that humanity has slithered down the pipeline of insanity.

I think I’ll go to the bakery and get my bread and scones for the weekend. The whining is beginning to wend its way through my ear plugs. Can whining cause your ears to bleed? I don’t want to stick around and find out. I may get cranky all over their spoilt butts

For some reason I can see this comment but it doesn’t seem to be appearing for anyone but me. Perhaps it was meant to be private. I hope whoever wrote it doesn’t mind that I’m putting it in a post so I can comment on it. He/she has raised some interesting points and I think people should be able to read it:

“Catpaw”, I respect your comments, but please appreciate that a world in silence would be a rather boring place. Right?

Go to NYC for a while, and try and complain about the noise there. I think that once you travel more, you will realize that Toronto is a very frigid, sterile city where its inhabitants tend to isolate themselves in their “quiet”, as you put it.

I am a jazz musician, that was playing the TD Downtown Festival, and the sound levels were pretty tame compared to say…New Years eve?

Also, I think your comment about rap music is rather ignorant and uneducated. Very few people in the world these days (especially in Toronto) understand that there are two basic types of music. Composed (meaning everything is written before), and improvised (meaning that there are components that are made up on the spot). There is a very strong connection with rap and jazz, based on rap’s roots (jazz/blues/funk) combined with the frequently improvised lyrics.

Anyone that has any knowledge with spoken word, and improvised poetry, understands the validity of rap. Not all rap is about “bitches and hoes”, and ignorance is what spreads that stereotype.

You are obviously entitled to your “quiet”, but the rest of the world is also entitled to hold events (such as the TD Downtown Festival, and New Years at NPS) that cause many people joy and appreciation. And I don’t think anybody in the audience wanted us to turn down.

Thank you

I don’t think this person understands that when I say quiet I don’t mean silence. There is a world of difference between the two words. I enjoy the various events and enjoy the ambiance of some neighbourhoods – and yes I’ve been to NYC and many other places including Hong Kong, London UK, Barcelona, Germany, Netherlands, across Canada, United States, Mexico, Cuba and more. My complaint still holds. Simply because I object to the rising noise levels does not mean I’m a person with little or no experience in the world. I want the sound levels turned DOWN, not OFF. In the past 20 years the levels have risen steadily. I’ve been in some places where the music is so loud, everyone felt the need to shout at each other. I want to sit and enjoy myself without being deafened by the sounds around me.

Music is everywhere, whether we like the tunes or not. Music is a very personal taste. I don’t enjoy having it thrown at me from every store front, every car, every Walkman, every cafe. Go to the grocery store and listen to the rehashed music screaming from the ceiling speakers. And yes, some music I genuinely don’t like. It feels like I’m having dental surgery without the pain reliever. It is silly to expect everyone in the world to have the same tastes in music – now that would make for a “rather boring place” indeed. Does everything have to be ratched up so loud? Our hearing is at risk in some of these places.

Before you say anything further, understand this – I worked in an alternative rock radio station for about 10 years. During that time, I realised the sound systems were gradually going up louder and louder as the hearing of the sound men deteriorated. I started taking ear plugs with me to events after leaving some concerts and events with a ringing in my ears. On one occasion (in NYC) the buzzing lasted for 3 days.

I like jazz, I especially enjoy improvisational jazz. Have listened to it for years. I enjoy it more when the amps and sound systems are left out of the mix and I can actually hear every sound and cheer coming from the musicians themselves. Amps drown out the warmth. Makes everything ‘sterile’. Quiet doesn’t mean cold and sterile. It just means I don’t have to listen to your music or shout to hear myself. Cities are busy and filled with their own rhythms and sounds. We don’t need a soundtrack to follow us around all the time. I was in the audience of some of the TD concerts and found the sound levels disturbingly high in a few of the events. Lowering the sound does not mean turning it off.

People are afraid to ask for the volume to be turned down. We are treated as though we are party poopers. As though we don’t enjoy music. No, we just treasure our hearing. Civilization survived for many millennium without amps and speakers – the music was no less enjoyable, society no less sterile.

I stand by my call for a quieter world. Enjoy your music unplugged for a change. Hear the lyrics, hear the sounds, enjoy, but don’t force me to hear 6 competing songs at a time. This extends far beyond music – it extends to the increasing noise pollution that surrounds us and is making it difficult to maintain sanity.

Thanks for sending in your comment. Again, I hope you don’t mind that I posted it. It was too well written to ignore.

For days now I’ve been bedeviled by a name that has sat in the edges of my mind. I couldn’t remember the name of a band I loved, back when I managed an alternative rock radio station. I wracked my brain for the name and suddenly today while I was working on a report for a customer, up popped the name.

Jerry Jerry and the Sons of Rhythm Orchestra!

An excellent band back in the ’80′s and early ’90′s Canadian Indie punk/rock scene. They were a blast to watch, and their songs were a fun and sarcastic mix of punk, rockabilly and whatever else struck their fancy. I played them a lot when I had a chance to dj.

Jerry Jerry has moved onto other things and doesn’t tour much. He’s married, 5 kids and said in an interview:

As you get older things start filling up your time so it becomes a bit harder to play regular shows.

LOL isn’t maturity a bugger! But this summer he reformed the Sons of Rhythm and is playing in his hometown of Edmonton. Oh how I wish I could be at one of those shows.

The band released 4 records

• Road Gore: The Band that Drank Too Much (1985)
• Battle Hymn of the Apartment (1987)
• Don’t Mind If I Do (1992)
• The Sound and the Jerry (1997)

My favourite was Battle Hymn of the Apartment. I must have played it until the grooves wore out. The sad thing is I can’t remember all the lyrics. Its now too late to find one of their cassettes or records – I lost mine one or 2 moves ago. It’s going to bug me until I remember the words. Drat.

Og Records, an indie label out of Montreal put out Jerry Jerry’s Road Gore album. Alas they have retired from the Canadian music scene – each of the original owners has retired and gone on to other careers. Once again, maturity can be a bugger.

I remember Og for another more memorable reason. They issued a local Hamilton Ontario record from a group called the Dik Van Dykes. They were a polyseter punk/humour band. Their specialty was polyester wear and a guitarist who played with 3 strings – don’t think he know how to use the other strings. Ah, I remember them well. Punking out at their concerts was great fun. I wonder where they are now. I still have their records – I’m even thanked on one of them. What an ego boost for doing nothing but playing their music. Although we did broadcast them live for a New Year’s eve bash. It was hilarious.

I just discovered one of the ex Diks has a myspace site, with the songs online! Hurry over to Dik Van Dykes

I just finished playing Curling. I had forgotten that song. I’m still rolling on the floor with laughter.
The entire Indie scene was vibrant and full of pushing the boundaries. Standing against corporate rock and having fun. Wouldn’t have missed it. But glad I’ve moved past it. Way too hard a lifestyle. I like quiet.

Thanks Og Records – where ever you are.